Girlfriend needs to learn the power of the shower

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This article was published 18/09/2016 (3668 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new girlfriend is athletic and doesn’t wash enough. I don’t know what to tell her, but it is going to ruin our love life. I don’t want to get into the dirty details, but she only bathes once a week (Sundays) and only showers if she gets visibly sweaty, like from running. That’s it. Bird baths in between, maybe. Please help. Otherwise, she’s lots of fun, but she often smells too bad to be intimate. Recently I gave her some strong men’s deodorant and she puts it on faithfully, but over those sweaty armpits. Please help ASAP. — Grossed Out, Downtown

Dear Grossed Out: Does her nose work? Maybe it doesn’t and she can’t smell what you smell, or maybe she wasn’t trained to clean up, or to value clean smells. Maybe she likes earthy smells. You need to have a frank talk about what smells good to both of you, and then maybe start showering together daily in a ritual that’s fun and often ends up to be sexy.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in love with one of the two people housed inside my husband’s brain. I love him when he’s outside the house with me in a social situation, but I don’t love him when we’re at home, where he acts like he lives alone.

He did live there as a single man for 15 years and has a whole list of comfort things he gets lined up for when he’s at home after work — the newspaper, a book he’s reading, his favourite alcoholic drink, a glass of ice water, the TV remote and his la top. And he hogs the one recliner in the house.

I am superfluous, invisible and of no interest to him then. He doesn’t want to talk, go for a walk, make love or go for groceries. He’s happier than a pig in mud under his own little cone of silence. He can’t even hear me call his name until I pull his hair and yell in his ear. He makes me want to scream. He told me not to take it personally because he was always like that. That’s apparently how he shut out his alcoholic parents who fought all the time.

Outside of the house where there are other people and none of his toys to cling to, he’s the life of the party — he talks, laughs and listens sympathetically to people. He’s delightful. I fell in love with that side. No wonder he hardly let me into his place until we were married. — Desperate Bride, Westwood

Dear Desperate Bride: You can’t get him out of this deep trench without professional interference and a physical move out of his place to one you both choose. After 15 years in his faithful recliner with all his protections and soothers, you need professional in-depth help regarding his toxic parents and how he learned to protect himself in a shell so thick he couldn’t hear another human voice. When he moved out on his own, that setup also served as his protection against loneliness.

He needs to realize he’s not going to walk into a war zone like his mom and dad’s life, so write a love note to let him know what a happy normal would look like for you as honeymooners. Example: he might come in the door, give you a kiss, ask about your day and help out with dinner. Once you’ve visited casually and spent some time together, then either you or he might excuse yourselves and do something on your own for an hour or so (he can go sit in his chair if he wants). You have a preplanned date for 8:30 p.m. to go out to movie or see friends, buy groceries or stay home and make wild, crazy love like the honeymooners you are!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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