Breakup was disappointing, doggone it!

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/01/2017 (3539 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I fell for a man and his sweet, adorable dog over Christmas. We got along really well — we saw each other almost every day. I especially loved the dog and the acreage outside the city. Things started slipping with the human when we both went back to our high-stress jobs. Yesterday, he told me he didn’t see a future for us — an introvert like him and an extrovert like me. I cried briefly and then dried my tears and left in a bit of a shock.

I knew he was right — we’re not suited because he’s a quiet bore. But I was so suited to his dog! I miss her so much. I loved her instantly and we used to look deeply into each others eyes. I was wondering if it would be too much to ask for visiting rights or to offer babysitting for her when she needs it. Would he think I was just looking for an excuse to see him? Am I nuts for even thinking of this?

— Missing the Dog Terribly, Garden City

Dear Missing the Dog: It’d be uncomfortable, after a short relationship, to have a woman you broke up with ask for visiting rights to your dog! What this does say loudly to me, is YOU really need a dog of your own and maybe a spot at the edge of the city. And your dog should be a bit similar to the size and breed of the dog you fell so hard for. You might ask this recent ex where he got his dog, if you don’t know. Nothing about that conversation would sound too much like a “contact call” if you’re serious. The man knows how much you loved his dog. You can tell him, by the way, if he ever needs to find a new owner for her, you’d certainly be interested. Expect a huffy reaction to that.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a girlfriend who is bisexual and I’m lesbian. I feel jealous at parties where there are men and women who are single, because she’s a real flirt. My girlfriend tries to appease me by saying, “But I don’t mean anything by a little flirting — it’s just my nature. “

We went to this New Year’s bash, and my old girlfriend came through the door, saw me, and blurted out: “I’m single again!” My new girlfriend was across the room flirting with a guy and I was already feeling insecure and jealous anyway. So, my old girlfriend gives me a big hug and a New Year’s kiss, and I kiss her back. My “flirty girl” spots this and is immediately by my side, hanging on to my arm.

I introduce her and my ex says, “Oh, sorry, and I do mean that in every way” (meaningful look at me) and quickly fades into the background. Now I’m all confused. Does my ex want me back? Does my new woman like me more than I thought, because she showed instant jealousy? What’s going on? Please translate and help me.

— Head Spinning, Fort Rouge

Dear Head Spinning: Old Girlfriend may have been saying, “I’m sorry for you that you hooked up with that troublesome woman” or she might be saying, “I’m sorry I can’t get back with you because you’re taken” or else “I’m sorry for hurting you in the past.” The only way you’ll know is to ask her by phone or online.

Now let’s talk turkey about your present woman situation. This flirt is going to cause you a lot of pain over the years if you stay with her. But, don’t go running back to your old girlfriend in a hurry. She didn’t call you up. She just ran into you at a party. The only reason to get back with an ex is if there is still a deep emotional connection, and the problems that split you up have been resolved. The answer to your “True Love Identity” problem is probably standing behind the third door — an unknown woman — hopefully lesbian and loyal, not a flirt. You need somebody who loves and respects you and doesn’t need attention of other men and women so badly she doesn’t care how you feel when you’re out.

It’s interesting she’s so possessive when someone comes on to you. That tells you two things: first, she has one eye on you at a party when she’s flirting and must like watching your jealous reactions; and second, she’s obviously a very insecure person herself.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ate too much when I was out for my birthday dinner with my wife and got sick afterwards. She was so disgusted she said, “That’s what you get for cramming your face, Fat Boy. And I paid for that dinner.” It was a cruel thing to say, even if she did pay a lot at a fancy restaurant. The last time someone called me Fat Boy, it was a bully back in high school.

I was fat then, and unhappy, and that name cut me to the core. I’m not really fat anymore and I’m taller but she knew that trauma happened to me. I told her in a very intimate conversation once. Still, she used that insult on me.

I may still love her, but I don’t like her as much. We had been talking about having children together — a lifelong commitment, often beyond the marriage vows these days. Do I really want a woman with a mean mouth like that to be the mother to my children, who will throw up and need diaper changes and behave badly regularly, as children do? Will she be cruel to them? I don’t know about this marriage anymore. What do you think?

— Deeply Upset, River Heights

Dear Upset: There are different ways to judge unacceptable behaviour from a partner. Some people judge by how low the person went, and others judge by how often a person repeats the low blow. For some people, it can be just one time over a definite boundary and they’re gone. For others, it can be many times and then they leave, or maybe even stay and get used to the abuse. You don’t have any babies and you’re not far into your marriage. You have a choice to make, or you may want to warn your wife her and give her one more chance. Don’t go ahead with kids until you have worked this out.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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