Sister needs apology before friendship returns

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This article was published 05/02/2017 (3513 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a bad experience at Christmas with my sister and tried to make it up to her throughout January. She was terse on the phone each time I called and wouldn’t accept any invitations to do anything.

The problem at Christmas was my fault. I got drunk and told her some truths about her stupid husband and her spoiled kids, which didn’t go over well.

In short conversations with her this January, I stayed away from that stuff and tried to recover our lost friendship through offers to start fresh and do some fun and positive things together.

Why won’t she agree to do anything with me? — Older Sister, St. James

Dear Older Sister: You never apologized so the wound is still open. You have not addressed your drunken, hurtful remarks about the people she loves most, her husband and children. How could this wound heal without you being sorry, and how can she possibly trust that you won’t spew off more nasty, critical remarks?

Until you are willing to take responsibility for what you said, how do you expect her to forgive and be willing to spend time with you? You didn’t even tell me what you did, in your anonymous letter.

Do you think that by burying it in your own mind, you can sneak by it? Relationships don’t work that way.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just received a letter in my mailbox with no return address. I opened it, and it was from an old girlfriend. I was surprised! It was quite charming and included a picture of us in our 20s (I had hair!), and another of her and her dog taken recently.

We are middle-aged, but her husband died of cancer. I lost my wife five years ago.

She got my address from my mom (we grew up in a small town). She wanted to know how I’ve been doing since my own wife died.

I could read between the lines. She is still very attractive and lives in the city. I’m writing to you because I’m afraid to take on a lonely widow. I remember how down I was the first year after my wife died.

This old girlfriend and I had quite a spark when we were together as teens, although we didn’t go all the way. I have been curious over the years about what we would have been like. I am torn. Should I see her or not? — Not a One Man Support Group, Fort Rouge

Dear Not a One Man Support Group: You have become a bit negative, haven’t you? Who knows, she may be just fine and after meeting you could think you’ve become a drag over the years.

When there’s a choice on a little life adventure such as this, and you already know the person, at least take a chance. And don’t insult this old girlfriend with a quickie coffee date. Take her out to a fun place and have a big visit.

At the very least you’ll get caught up on news about former classmates, her family and yours, and experiences from your own lives. There may be no spark or there might be a big one.

She may still be in mourning or she may have come out of that phase and be looking to enjoy life again.

It’s interesting to me that as a person who lost someone yourself, you’re thinking about turning your nose up at this widow without any personal contact. At least you can go for one casual reunion, and see how it goes. By the way, this adventure doesn’t all turn on your decision about her. She may have enough of you after two hours.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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