Hippie mom’s adventures making son anxious

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This article was published 30/04/2017 (3370 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is packing and leaving for “the coast,” which tells you how old she is. She says she’s tired of boring Manitoba relatives and the weather. She says she’s going there to live with new friends she found on the Internet who are more in tune with her preferred hippie lifestyle. (Don’t laugh.) She’s a hippie all right, always has been, but now she finds a lot of friends her age in Winnipeg are “half-dead” or have “caved into on-the-grid lifestyles,” whatever that means.

What if she gets sick and dies out there and has no one to look after her? She says she’s met a kindred soul on the Internet of the male variety, plus a new best friend. She and this woman are thinking about setting up shop together reading tea leaves and selling beaded jewelry kits for tourists over the summer. It rains half the summer there — what kind of business climate is that? What’s my mother going to be now, a beach bum? Please tell me what to say to talk some sense into her.

— Concerned Son, Winnipeg

Dear Concerned Son: Hooray for mom! Let’s hope she has a wonderful time, a great adventure and you get a rest from trying to look after her when she wants to be free of that nonsense until she dies. So what if dies out there while having a wonderful time with some kindred spirits, maybe even a man friend? She could reclaim a freedom, a joy in her new lifestyle, off-load uptight establishment types and find a group of like-minded friends.

Let her go, wish her well and tell her to call if she needs anything. That way your guilt and worry are absolved, and she’s going off with your well wishes, not your pseudo-parental disapproval. Did she disapprove of your travel and life adventures when you were young? How did that feel? It kind of puts a damper on things when you feel your loved ones disapprove, but it doesn’t make a truly adventurous spirit stay home. It does distance you, though. If you would have approved of her lifestyle, she would have shared her new online adventures with you, and that could have been interesting for everyone. The grandkids would have found it inspirational, too. Is that part of what you’re scared of — her influence on them?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a winner and a fighter, but I find my work friends are not like that. If I have a grievance at work, I air it. The other staff complain to each other behind the backs of our bosses. I could get my butt fired out of here, but at least I’m honest. I let the bosses have the truth, both barrels.

Yesterday, the guy who works beside me — a drone — told me I should watch what I say; it could get me in trouble. I told him he should watch what he says to other people behind the bosses’ backs. He said I could be out on my ear and would have no way to support my family if I got fired. I said, “You don’t have a wife and family. What is your excuse for putting your head down and taking shit?” He didn’t say anything the rest of the day. Now, how do I deal with having made an enemy out of him?

— Need Some Tact, Winnipeg

Dear Need Some Tact: Soften things with a second talk where you explain your beliefs and your attitude to a guy who doesn’t understand it. Encourage him to talk about his background and where he got his values. Try to understand him and get him to understand you, and then you can just agree to disagree. It’s hard to hate someone you understand, even if they’re different from you. At the moment, neither of you understands the other person. You can actually be a boon to guys such as him who have grievances that need to get aired but are too afraid to say anything to anyone in authority.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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