Be happy for mom and her younger beau

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This article was published 01/05/2017 (3445 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was sick and tired of the way my mother popped up unannounced all the time at our new house to see the new baby, but then she started seeing this younger man. I don’t care about a few years, but we’re talking anywhere from 12 to 16 years. I’m scared to ask. That makes her 46 and this guy is about 30, barely older than I am. She brought him over to see the baby and I wouldn’t let him hold my child, even though he asked and said he was good with kids.

He is way too young to be dating my mother and doing whatever with her. Now the baby and I see her only once a week, if that, on a Sunday when he’s at work. My mother is all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, which makes me feel even more worried. What can I do to stop her from making a total fool of herself? I just realized she could still get pregnant!

—Severely Embarrassed Daughter, Charleswood

Dear Severely Embarrassed Daughter: Take a big breath, let it out, and start something new: minding your own business. Look to the health and welfare of your baby; your mom is not your baby. Remind yourself you can’t control other adults, so just take a seat in the bleachers and watch the game play out. It may go well, it may end up as nothing or your mother might get her feelings hurt, but for now she’s having a ball. She probably missed out on a lot of that, raising a child at such a young age. Surprise her by saying, “Sorry mom, it’s your life. Enjoy it to the fullest. Forget any other negatives I might have said to this point about your new romance. It’s definitely not my business.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I left my college love back in Winnipeg and moved to another city to further my education. I thought it was a good decision for my career and my future. This year turned into a lonely hell without her and lots of flights back. She said she would only move her life and career if there was marriage involved. I continued to waffle, so she continued to date me and another guy she met at home while I was away — a big weightlifting knucklehead from her gym.

She said there was no use pining over me while I was gone, but she didn’t love him and he was just there to fill the gap on lonely nights. What gap are we talking about? That phrase just burns me up. Is she deliberately trying to hurt me? What is wrong with her?

— Love Her, Dammit, Ontario

Dear Love Her, Dammit: What is wrong with you? You should be the one filling the gap and getting past this nonsense into a permanent relationship with the woman you love. A trip to the justice of the peace, down the aisle of a church or in front of a funky marriage commissioner at a restaurant dinner could fix this problem for you, and for her. Since you’re in total misery over this split you initiated to better your life, admit it’s not better and fix it. Bring her to the city where you’re studying before she finally finds a great guy who truly replaces you or she makes do with Knucklehead who is always available. She’s the willing one and you’re still dragging your feet. How much longer do you think she’ll wait?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend eats animals and I’m a vegetarian. I can smell meat on his breath after dinners out with his friends. I have to shove Tic Tacs in his mouth to make him appealing and kissable. How can I get him to stop eating defenceless little animals and fishes? Fish have cute little faces, too, you know. I’m not sure if this can work. What do you think?

— Vegetarian Forever, Fort Garry

Dear Vegetarian Forever: If you find it really repugnant and spend your time thinking about the animals your carnivorous boyfriend is eating, you are best to break it off right now and look for a guy who will enjoy the same foods you do, otherwise you’re going to guilt your current guy, insult him and nag him until he can’t stand it anymore — and he goes away.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new man is giving me too much expensive stuff: real pearls, diamond earrings, a trip to Las Vegas, things that are totally inappropriate for the three months we’ve known each other.

I told him not to give me any more jewelry because of the short time we have been seeing each other. He said, “I have the money and I love travel and treating my women to things, so that’s who I am.” He’s a nice guy all right, but at the rate we’re going, he will have bought me a new house before we’re even engaged.

How do I get him to slow down? Every time he comes to my house, he brings flowers. Please help.

— Drowning in Flowers and Jewels, River Heights

Dear Drowning in Flowers and Jewels: You need to have a very serious talk about this. Delve into his previous relationships. Was he ever accused of being cheap? Did his mom call his father cheap? Did he grow up poor and now that he has money, he’s trying to compensate for those feelings of being poor?

You need to find out why he is leading with gifts instead of trying to get to know you better. Tell him you want him to open up, and by that, you don’t mean his wallet.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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