You must back daughter if she leaves her husband

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This article was published 09/11/2017 (3204 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve become aware through a secret source that my daughter, who suffers from low-grade depression, is still in love with her high-school boyfriend and is married to the wrong man. She and her first love broke up at the end of Grade 12 to go to different cities to follow their educational dreams. He got lonely and married somebody he met at university and my daughter went through a terrible grieving process witnessed by her sister, who was her roommate at the time. She always thought they would get back together and get married. Apparently he couldn’t wait another two years after the first two. Now my daughter is married to a man who’s very nice, but he’s not the one; therefore, she’s dragging her heels over having children with him.

I just heard through my source that her high-school love has broken up with his wife and is moving back to Winnipeg. My married daughter is already in contact with him online. What is my moral role in this as her mother? — Trouble on the Horizon, Steinbach

Dear Trouble on the Horizon: Your role is to support your daughter and not to quote morality at her. This is not high school. She needs to be left alone on this issue. Be prepared for your daughter to leave her husband because she might if her old love comes back to claim her, and it might be the best thing for everybody in the long run.

Your daughter doesn’t love her husband the way she should to have a family. It sounds like he needs to be set free. So park your morality lecture, keep your ear to the ground and support your daughter in whatever she decides to do. If her old love comes back and wants her and she chooses him, support her. Should this pair of high-school sweethearts marry, she may finally emerge from her depression. That would be a blessing for her and for you, as her mom.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was sitting at Polo Park mall when this guy in his mid-20s sat down beside me. He said he wanted to ask me a question, and asked what he should buy for his girlfriend’s birthday. I’m old enough to be his aunt, so turned to him, looked into his eyes, and asked how serious the relationship was. He said he wanted to marry her in a few years. I asked him if a promise ring would be appropriate and he said no because he thought that was for teenagers. Finally, I asked, “Can you afford diamond earrings?” and he said he could and broke into a big smile. Problem solved!

Most people won’t talk to strangers in malls anymore. I just think it’s such a loss. Imagine if people would start talking to each other again, instead of staring off into space or looking at their cells. Winnipeg is no longer Friendly Winnipeg when people only talk to people they already know. What do other people think about this? What do you think? — Unafraid and Friendly, St. James

Dear Unafraid and Friendly: People on airplanes are still pretty friendly because they’re stuck so close together for so many hours, but Winnipeg malls certainly have gotten chillier. Even 10 years ago people often gabbed away at each other when taking a rest on a bench, or waiting for a friend to meet them.

I was at a social event recently where three out of six adults at the dinner table had their cellphones beside them and used them if there was a conversational lull, instead of coming up with a new topic of conversation. I don’t know how we change this back. Do readers have any ideas? If you do, please write in to the addresses listed below.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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