Husband brought affair into son’s bedroom

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/11/2017 (2889 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I came home early and found a little party going on at my house. At first I didn’t notice because my husband’s car was in the garage with the door down. When I started to hear some strange noises down in the basement, I thought it was my son and his fiancée who live down there at it again! But when I had to go down there to put in some laundry (I’m snoopy), I heard an unexpected, low voice I recognized from my own love life.

It suddenly dawned on me my husband was in there. I banged on the door and everything went quiet. I yelled for them to get out of there before I came in and did some damage with a golf club. I heard some scraping, and then I guess he broke the screen and pushed her out the basement window. Rather than trying to break through that door, I raced upstairs and saw her long red hair as she was running down the lane. I know who that witch is — my husband works with her.

Now he’s all sorry and blaming it on me for not wanting to sleep with him anymore. He told me I had to face the truth: that our marriage has been over for years. He has now gone to stay at her place. What do you think about counselling?

— In Shock, North Kildonan

Dear In Shock: If you were willing to go in there with a golf club and rearrange these two peoples’ faces and line yourself up for jail, you’re at the danger point and need to get a lawyer and do what has to be done.

As a woman, you made the common mistake of thinking this marriage would be over when you both said it was and agreed to split up. You kept on playing the mom/housekeeper role.

You had your lifestyle together and shared friends, but a non-existent marriage bed. Oh well, times change.

But this marriage was already over from your husband’s side when you stopped sleeping with him for good. To your husband, you were now just a business partner playing the mom role.

Rather than tell you he was stepping out, he took risks on other people finding out: you, your son and his fiancée, the neighbours and/or people from work. People from work know way before a couple declares themselves by the looks they give each other, small acts of kindness, little touches, lunches together or being caught in the same car in the parking lot.

Do you really think counselling is possible when your husband got to the point of bringing a woman into your family home to have sex with her in your son’s bed? If so, then you’re a greater optimist than I.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: At a recent conference I went to bed with my ex-boyfriend from 23 years ago. He was a way better lover as a mature man in his 40s than he ever was as a young man. I laughed with joy and pleasure for parts of three days and three nights. He was a young fumbler when we were in university and sex was not exciting for me. I had nothing to offer either except silent criticism when he failed to stimulate me to orgasm. He didn’t need any help for his own satisfaction. But this time was such a great experience, and we’re going to keep seeing each other.

I want to thank the women who came along after me and taught him how to be a great lover! I also have some men to thank, who made me a much better partner than I was at 20. Ladies, don’t resent the women your man learned to make love with. I get sick of women who are jealous of every old girlfriend their husband was ever with. The ones who went before were the teachers and you get the final result. Be thankful.

— Delighted the Second Time Around, Tuxedo

Dear Delighted the Second Time Around: No one can play an instrument expertly without practice and teaching. While young people may get practice in bed, they don’t often get teaching from an expert. It’s usually a learn-to-do-by-doing thing, and if two beginners get together, it can be a long and tedious experiment.

Good for you for taking a grateful attitude to the ladies who went before and took this man from fumbler to fabulous. Do you wonder what your old love thought of your improved performance 20 years later? What did he say? Inquiring minds want to know.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6