Not only nasty women like adventurous sex

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/02/2018 (2797 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My Valentine’s gift has already been delivered — a kick to the face from a high-heeled shoe. My girlfriend has gone off to Vancouver with another guy. I found one shoe left in the closet and a note on the bed telling me not to follow her. As if I would!

Now I’m stuck with her half of the rent and a broken heart. I am so mad I can’t see straight. I realize now she was the witch everybody warned me about, but I thought it would be different because I was a higher grade of guy than she had ever known in her life. I’ve never committed a crime and this guy she left with has been in jail.

That little bit of nasty made her the edgiest and sexiest woman I’ve ever been with.

How can you say good riddance to the best sex you’ll ever have in your life? My previous girlfriends were good girls who wore cotton panties and their kind of missionary sex wouldn’t keep a guy up all night wanting to know what comes next. I cried when I read the note, (I’m a bit of a suck) but I’m not crying anymore. I know she’s not coming back and I don’t know what to do. Please help me through this! — Left For a Bad Guy, Wolseley

Dear Left For a Bad Guy: You don’t have to choose between bad girls or good girls. A keeper for you would be a great woman with a high sex drive and a daring spirit who really cares about you. Don’t resort to another woman with bad character, thinking it’s the only way to get exciting sex.

You really have to start looking for the sexy, adventurous type, which you’re more likely to find in daring sports, risky work or on exciting holidays. Either that or a woman who loves sexy novels. Look for someone who’s passionate and excited about different aspects of her life — not the lazy, quiet, restful type. What you don’t need is a nasty woman, a dishonest sneak who leaves you a note and blows town with a jailbird.

By the way, your next apartment should be one you can afford by yourself. If you have a two-bedroom place right now, share it with a male roommate this time. Buddies may come and go, but they don’t break your heart like certain girlfriends and stop paying their rent on a romantic whim.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The last two years I’ve received anonymous flowers for Valentine’s Day on my desk at work and I know who they’re from: a creepy guy who works in my building and has a big crush on me. I don’t want his flowers, but don’t know what to do with them. The last two Valentine’s Days they’ve been on my desk before I arrived in the morning. Last year, I felt sick and kind of like I was being stalked when I saw a new bouquet.

Would it make things better or worse if I took them back to his department and asked the secretary there to give them back to him? How do I get the message across? — Creeped Out, Industrial Park

Dear Creeped Out: If you want a witness to the event, so he’s no longer doing this in secret, ask a work friend to take them to the secretary of his department, explain what’s up and ask her to put them on his desk. No need to be nasty, just demonstrate to him he’s not anonymous and you don’t want the flowers.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mom likes candies for Valentine’s Day. I don’t have a lot of money, but thought of making her coupons she can trade in for services, like shovelling the snow or giving her a hug might be OK.

What do you think? — Her Only Kid, Age 11

Dear Her Only Kid: Great idea! That’s way more than just OK. Your mom will love the coupons and the thoughtfulness behind them even more than candy. Draw some little hearts on the corners to decorate them and make a homemade card with paper, crayons and coloured pencils. Those are the cards mothers keep forever!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m trying to plan a romantic night at home with my girlfriend on Valentine’s night. We live in a little apartment. I’m looking around and the only thing red we have is a set of red flannel sheets from the lake. I have a bottle of white wine and stuff to make spaghetti and meatballs, but I have nothing else, just about five bucks to buy her a present. What do you think? Please help. I love her like crazy and I need a plan. — Broke But Lots of Love, Downtown

Dear Broke But Lots Of Love: Here’s a plan she’ll like: formally invite her to Valentine’s dinner. Buy her a card and a scented candle at a dollar store, plus coloured wrapping tissue and some heart candies. Make the spaghetti dinner as she’s coming home. Shape the meatballs like hearts to make her laugh.

Put the red sheets on the bed before she arrives and have romantic music playing. Kiss her as you open the door and ask her to open her present right away.

When she unwraps the candle, be ready to light it and it will set the scene in the room. Walk your lady and the flickering candle into the bedroom, where you have the dinner settings on the coffee table which you cleverly dragged in, with cushions from the sofa to sit on. Pour some wine and chat for a few minutes. Then finish the spaghetti together and serve it. The rest is up to you, your love and the red flannel sheets

This could be a most memorable and loving Valentine’s night, so don’t wreck it by apologizing for it not costing much.

If you can sing, then sing a few lines along with the love songs you have playing, like perhaps the lines from Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud: “And darling, I will be loving you ‘till we’re 70.” Good luck and let us know how it goes!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6