Her winking ex-boyfriend is just trying to stir the pot

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This article was published 17/02/2018 (3137 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went to a wedding with my girlfriend and all my old friends were there. It turns out some of her old friends were there, too. One of them was a guy who kept hanging around digging up old history. This guy followed me into the bathroom. We were standing there together and he told me he used to date my girlfriend when they were in high school, and he congratulated me and winked.

At first, it didn’t mean anything much and I walked out of the bathroom. Then I wondered what he said that for! Then I got it: he wanted me to know he had her back in the day. Then it started to make me mad.

It’s not like she and I both haven’t had other relationships, but I just wanted to find him and punch him in the face.

When I told my girlfriend what he said, she said he was the worst sex partner she ever had in her life and referred to him as the “Minute Man.” That made me feel kind of better, but not quite. Why was he hinting she was so hot? What did she do for him that was so wonderful? — Jealous For Nothing? Winnipeg

Dear Jealous For Nothing: You took his bait. What she did for him was put up with this “Minute Man,” and not call him down. He obviously remembers it as a much longer 60 seconds than she does. He’s just one of those jerks who wants to act as if he has something on you to make you feel uncomfortable.

Dismiss him from your mind, and ruin his ploy.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend has been a bit of a snake to other women.

Although he hasn’t cheated on me to my knowledge, he has made a habit of doing this all his adult life.

Until a year ago, I was his best female friend and heard all the stories, but then we got into a car accident together and realized how much we actually loved each other. We went home to his place and really made love (not just sex) that night and traded, “I’m in love with you” and have been together ever since.

Now, we’re approaching the one-year mark, where I know (because he confessed this to me years ago) that he always gets bored and wants a bit of strange. I don’t mean strange as in kinky, because he’s really quite the macho straight shooter, but he wants to experience a new woman with a new body and maybe only just for one night or so. He’s done this as part of his regular routine for years. I don’t mind as long as we agree to it and I get to revisit an old boyfriend of mine on the same night.

When I mentioned this idea to him recently, he went nuts! He said he wasn’t like that anymore and he only wanted me, and he was very disappointed and hurt that I wanted another guy. Then I told him that I only wanted it if he was planning to get a new girl in bed around our first anniversary.

Then he actually cried a few tears and said, “You don’t trust me. You don’t think I can be trustable, ever.”

Now he’s gone kind of cold and I’m afraid he’ll cheat on me now because he might as well be as bad as I think he is. What should I do? I do love him and he says he’s in love with me, too. — Great Big Mouth, St. Boniface

Dear Great Big Mouth: Try this — tell him you’re not going to see anyone else as you do trust that after the fight you just had, he won’t see anyone else either.

Tell him you’re taking it on faith now that he will be true.

And don’t make him promise because it’s a sure sign you don’t trust somebody when you make them swear to something. Don’t go around looking for evidence of cheating.

If proof should fall into your lap one day, then you have a choice to make: break up or declare the relationship open.

If that happens, fair is fair, and don’t accept any stories about him cheating because you suspected he would.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I kissed a girl at a sleepover and I kind of liked it, but not really. I’m a girl, age 12, and have only practised kissing on my pillow.

The girls and I were drunk on some beer we had and it probably won’t happen again for a while.

I just want to get kissed and all the rest, as I’m old enough and have nothing to say when girls talk about their experiences. Is it wrong to kiss a girl when you really want a boy, but she’s the only chance you’ll get to have any experience? — Got Nobody, South End

Dear Got Nobody: When I was young girl, I had a poster of a teen movie star up on the wall beside my bunk bed and I used to kiss it goodnight — and not just a peck — so don’t be embarrassed.

That poster took a beating. I also used to read the medical encyclopedias where I babysat and looked at all the plastic overlay pictures to see what went where during sex. That’s how I started training for this job! You get your training where you can if you’re interested in the topic.

But do be careful when you kiss real people — girls or boys — as they have feelings and might be hurt if you don’t mean anything by it. You will have plenty of chances to kiss people as you get older, so don’t think this is the only time you will kiss someone. 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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