Comparing past lovers a dangerous game

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/03/2018 (2774 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my new man’s strong sexual nature. He made the mistake of bragging when we got drunk on cocktail experiments at his place. The trouble is it just came out that he handled as many as six girlfriends at once in his prime. I felt jealous, so I called him a liar.

He defended himself, so I started bugging him for some names. He finally got tired of it and started reeling off names like they were real.

One of the names was totally unusual and I screamed out the last name and he went red. I know that witch! She went after a boyfriend of mine when I worked downtown way back when. He saw I was furious, so he tried to put me on the defensive, demanding names of guys I had slept with and I wouldn’t tell him even one.

We are both so mad now, we’re not talking.

And I really miss him — the best swordsman in Winnipeg. Is it worth trying to get back with him? I don’t trust him, but I’ll never get that kind of sex again in my life. — A Woman Left Lonely, Osborne Village

Dear A Woman Left Lonely: Your Janis Joplin song reference hints about your age. Some of the wildest men from the hippie era have grown much tamer with age and life experience. It makes no sense to berate each other for the “free love” of days gone by.

What are you both like now? That’s all that matters. What do you want in 2018? Both of you need to forget your histories and start fresh with each other. Does he want a monogamous relationship with you? Are you on that page too, now you’re older and wiser?

Start by apologizing first and see if there can be a conversation about this. Admit that you were angry, hurt and jealous, so you blew up.

Also, let him know you will never reveal your number or any names to even things up because you don’t want to invite judgment. Just tell him you were normal and had some fun in the past.

There is no point in trying to pretend you were an angel. Write back to let us know how it goes.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I fell in lust with a sporty extrovert and he fell in love with me, a book-reading introvert. I’m a pessimist by nature.

Can we work long-term? The macho guy and the bookworm. Ha! I’m totally boring outside of bed.

We have talked about this. We’re both kind of worried — me more than him — about what will happen after the initial sexy infatuation ends.

It’s really big and hot for us both right now. We don’t want to go out much when we could have more fun in the bedroom alone.

My concern is this: will he get tired of my being so quiet and boring and fall in love with the next bouncy extrovert who crosses his path? That’s why I have my foot on the emotional brakes.

He’s afraid, too. He’s worried I’ll get tired of him being so boisterous and social, and wish he would just shut up and stop wanting me to go out socially with him. Help, please! — Scared Introvert, Tuxedo

Dear Scared Introvert: Lots of social opposites have been married long-term, some more happily than others.

If the extrovert of the pair has many activities that don’t require you, such as male-dominated sports and hobbies, hurray!

Active, sporty people can be fine with introverts as long as they come to cheer at their important playoff games and such to show love and admiration.

But, if the extrovert also likes to party a lot with friends and business acquaintances and wants you there for all kinds of social situations where you have to make small talk, meet a bunch of new people and be friendly and effervescent, it will be too much pressure for you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts, c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6