He’s swinging more than clubs with friend during golf season

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/03/2018 (2775 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has a female golf buddy. I suspected last year he was seeing too much of her, so I joined his golf club. I like the game and I love my husband. I gave her a very cold reception when I met her and looked straight into her eyes and she got the message. I really thought I had quashed the beginnings of something. She stayed away from my man after that, or so I thought, when I was there.

I don’t enjoy golfing in the fall, and didn’t go much then, so who knows how it went in September and October. He still wasn’t back to his old behaviour of staying out for dinners and hanging at the club.

But then imagine my surprise when she just happened to be staying in Puerto Vallarta during the same two weeks we were there. At the market, I asked her how long she was staying and at which resort.

It wasn’t right next door, but it was close enough. I’m not a fearful woman, and as we were parting, I looked her in the eyes again and said, “Don’t come visiting.” I couldn’t get much clearer than that without asking if she was after my husband.

It’s only a few months until golfing season again. I love my husband and I don’t know what to do. I thought maybe it was just a golf-course flirtation, but now I wonder if it’s an all-out affair that has never stopped and just went underground.

I’m afraid to confront him because he is a proud man and might just end our marriage now that the kids are gone. — Terrified to Lose My Love, Winnipeg

Dear Terrified to Lose My Love: A relationship of two people can’t stay the same if one person changes.

You may just want to change it from your end if you feel it’s too dangerous for you to confront him about this woman.

This is a time to go to a relationship counsellor alone.

Talk openly about your whole relationship and the different stages you’ve gone through, particularly the stage since the kids are gone. If it all looks good on the surface, you might need some questions to get at what’s really going on underneath and why.

A counsellor who has examined hundreds of relationships could help analyze what’s wrong and how it can be fixed.

On the other hand, your husband may simply be greedy and want more, even though he has a satisfying marriage already.

Maybe he really loves you and this woman is just a novelty to him.

It could also be he’s feeling his age and sneaking to see her makes him feel young again. Why didn’t he tell you his friend was going to be in Mexico at the same time?

That isn’t your fault. In the end, he may need to find out he’s about to lose the big relationship with you because of his little golf-sweetie side piece and that will bring him back close to you, if you still want him.