She’s screaming for an encore, but for him it’s another chore

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/03/2018 (3082 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: After my girlfriend and I make love, I need to rest by going to the living room to watch TV. My girlfriend lies in the bed and yells for an encore to get me to come back for another go. I don’t have an encore left. I’m not 26 anymore like she is. I’m pushing 39 and I can’t do round two. My energy is simply not there. So I turn up the TV to drown her out.

Then she gets mad, and after a while, she stomps around and has a shower and finally goes to bed and shuts up. I thought that was that. But a week ago she told me she was finished with me and was going to go back to live with her sister. She said she was going to be looking for a boyfriend who has the same level of sexiness as she does. I said, “Go then!” and she packed and left.

I’m way sadder without her than I thought I’d be. Last night I called her and asked her to come home and started bawling. She said I had lots of warning, and she was not ever coming back. Now I feel like an old man who can’t even raise the flag twice in one night. She made me feel like such a loser. How am I going to do any better with any other woman? It’s not like you can exercise and train it to perform tricks. It does what it can do, and that’s it. What should I do? I miss my princess.

— Can’t Keep Up With Her, West Kildonan

Dear Can’t Keep Up With Her: You would have had better luck with your princess if you had stayed in bed with her instead of walking out to the living room and turning on the TV. Like most women, she really wanted you to stay with her awhile after lovemaking. For her, the only way to get you to come back was to be funny and shout, “Encore, encore!” Anything else might have felt too vulnerable.

So she’s gone for now. If she still loves you, she’ll punish you for a few more weeks and then come looking to see if you’ve changed your ways. If you do end up in bed, stay there after making love and cuddle her and talk, laugh and play a little — you might be surprised at what comes up. If she doesn’t love you, she won’t be back for any second-chance checkup, and that, my friend, is a good thing. Don’t let her come around and use you every once in awhile because she knows you’re still in love.

By the way, most women are happy with one satisfying round of sex, plus some cuddling, but are not happy with a guy who quickly jumps out of bed to get back to his other love — the TV.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: How come the Irish get to have a big St. Patrick’s Day celebration on March 17? How come the city doesn’t have celebrations for other nationalities?

— Feeling Left Out, North End

Dear Feeling Left Out: Nobody “gets” a big-deal ethnic party every year from the city. The Irish started throwing parties for themselves, and so did the French and other groups. It’s up to a core group of your nationality to get things happening and take it to the streets with a parade and a social gathering, such as a dinner, party, dancing and games.

You need to gather a bunch of interested people at somebody’s house or community centre and organize something. Make up some committees to get the work done, get the proper licensing and do it.

The City of Winnipeg would be hard-pressed to throw every nationality a party, but Folklorama certainly opens up the opportunity for different ethnic groups to celebrate their cultures. If you don’t already have a presence there, check it out as well.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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