Screaming next door not always a fight

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This article was published 19/03/2018 (3076 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There’s a verbal fight going on almost every night in the apartment next door. I call the superintendent and she goes to talk to them and it quiets down before I hear sounds of makeup sex (she’s a screamer). Their bedroom is right next to the kitchen wall. If I used a glass, I could hear every word they say.

I asked the superintendent if the couple has received a warning about the noise and her answer was that they are just married and are really sweet. She said she told them to pipe down, but was cutting them some slack. Slack? Say what? I phoned the company that owns the building and they said they hadn’t received any complaints.

These two love/hate newlyweds are keeping me awake day and night. Why should I have to wear earplugs in my own apartment? Why aren’t they getting kicked out? — Ready To Scream Myself, Downtown

Dear Ready to Scream Myself: You may be right, but it’s wrong to put yourself through too much stress, as continual stress can raise your blood pressure. If nothing is being done at any level, it may be time for you to start looking for a new place, either within the block or in another block altogether.

You’re right, it’s not fair, but sometimes fair doesn’t count as much as people think. Sometimes, you have to be the one to give in and then look into improving your own situation.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I came home a day early from a business trip and found my husband had a visitor who was staying over.

She was his 18-year-old daughter and she never comes for a sleepover when I’m here because, as she told me over breakfast, her mom hates me for taking away her husband.

That did it. I sat down, poured some cereal to join her and told her she was old enough to talk about things now. I said there was fault on both sides and that her mom was seeing another man for two years before I started dating her dad. She looked shocked. I said, “Yes, your mom did that. Now your dad is my husband and I love him. By the way, your mom’s boyfriend didn’t want to get married to her. So that’s how it goes.”

I told her she was welcome to come to our home anytime and live here if she wanted.

To my shock and amazement she said she wanted to live with us because her mother was mean, didn’t treat her like an adult and even slapped her once.

I said it was fine with me if it was fine with my husband, who was listening quietly in the living room. I heard his newspaper crash when she said that. He gave us a lecture about coming up with such a big plan without his input, but said it was fine with him even though he feared all hell would break loose with his ex.

But since that conversation, the daughter has not said anything more about it. What do you think is happening? — Scorned One, St. Vital

Dear Scorned One: You and your husband need to talk to the daughter about this. She’s the eye of the storm. Maybe the difficult mom is being sweet and nice to her daughter for now and the daughter’s enjoying that. Or maybe dire threats have been made. Your husband needs to talk to his daughter and find out what has happened ASAP. Perhaps the daughter has been too afraid to broach the subject.

And has your husband said if he even wants this daughter moving in? Has there been a conversation on this that you don’t know about? Ask him straight up. Would having her move in destabilize your marriage in his opinion?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love going out dancing, but my husband steps all over my toes. I can’t stand dancing with him and dance with all the other guys in our crowd.

The other women put up with my husband one dance each, but never the waltzes.

My husband recently told me it hurts his feelings that I won’t dance close with him in public.

I told him I loved dancing with him in bed and he said that wasn’t funny. How do I get him to accept the truth that I hate dancing with him because he really hurts my feet? — Married to a Clodhopper, West End

Dear Married to a Clodhopper: It’s time for dance lessons. You need someone to take over who knows how to teach hard cases how to dance.

This is the deal you can make: if he won’t pay for lessons, give them to him as a gift, although I think he would actually feel better if he paid for them himself.

That way he doesn’t feel like a schoolboy. That’s important to a grown man in most cases.

But if he’s annoyed and doesn’t want to spend the money, then definitely buy him the lessons and get rid of this hurtful part of your marriage. Get back out there, dancing happily and cuddling during the waltzes.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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