Young children can’t hear their mother bad-mouthed

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/04/2018 (3084 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife had been cheating on me regularly with guys she meets out of town in bars during her weekly sales trips. She left her computer open when she rushed out the door a few weeks ago to get to the airport. She had been talking with a girlfriend in another city and referred to them “double-teaming” when they go to the bars together.

I should have stopped reading, but it was a horrible fascination. It made me physically sick in the bathroom.

Thank God I’m not a poor man. When my wife came home, I already had talked to my accountant, a lawyer, our babysitter, my mom and sisters. I had my ducks in a row to fight to take full custody of our kids. I had proof of what she was doing copied off the computer.

When she got home, she was hung over. I told her I had read all about her other life, we were splitting up and she was moving out of the house into an apartment because I have always been the real parent to our children.

And you know what she said?  She said it was actually a relief because she was never cut out to be a mother or a wife. She said she would move out and would see the kids on the weekends. Just like that.

She moved within the week to a small apartment near here.

The kids are so young, and she’s been away so much, they haven’t fully registered yet. So now the big question: what do I tell the kids about their mother when they ask? — Struggling to Handle Everything, South Winnipeg

Dear Struggling to Handle Everything: Lots of separated and divorced moms have covered up for bad fathers so their kids would not be messed up. You must do the same.

The kids just need to know that you and your wife are ending your relationship because you can’t get along. Tell them you will live close by and they’ll see both of you, but you’ll still have the family home with them and mom will visit and take them out for activities.

Tell the bad stuff to a psychiatrist or psychologist. Get help to wrap your head around this family mess without warping the kids’ minds. Tell them what is good for their little heads. You can control what you say to them, but you really need to come to an agreement on what their errant mom says to them. 

There is no point in trying to save this marriage when you now know your wife is neither the marrying kind nor the motherly kind. When your wounds heal, you’ll need to look for a woman who has those qualities.

Now here’s the good news: the really good Mr. Moms can be quite popular with the ladies: other single parents and single women who don’t have any kids, but you have to make sure your own kids are nice, well-balanced children, and that will take some hard work and help from your sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts and your mom and dad. Don’t be shy to ask them over.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography