Save commitment for someone you love

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This article was published 29/08/2018 (2923 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I feel sick about something I did to my “man friend” and I don’t know if I should confess. We have not yet declared ourselves a monogamous couple, though he may have assumed so. I just went away on holiday and looked up two old boyfriends in my home city and had some, uh, romance with them. Just a couple nights of fun, nothing serious, but I did “sleep” with them.

I know this makes me sound like a floozy, but I’m not. I just considered myself free, until the new man declared this is more than a fun summer fling for him. Of course, I hope he didn’t get busy with somebody while I was away, but I tell myself that he might have.

We haven’t made any declarations, though he seems crazy about me. I know we should talk about commitment, but should I confess?

— Bad Girl, Westwood

Dear Bad Girl: You were a busy girl on your holiday, for sure. Here’s an even bigger question to consider. If it felt OK to jump into bed with these two old beaus, are you really that interested in the guy at home? Probably not. Reconsider the whole idea of getting serious with him, since nothing makes you think “not interested” when opportunity for a tumble comes knocking.

Look at this holiday as a test. Now you know you should drop the guy at home and look for someone who really excites you — body and soul. Rule of thumb: only commit to monogamy and a long-term relationship when nothing less will satisfy you. That usually happens when you feel the stirrings of love.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother has a new boyfriend and he looks really hot. He’s at least 10 years younger than she is. We all went to the lake together for an end-of-the-season weekend of fishing, swimming and boating. He and I ended up alone in the canoe on a beautiful day and he remarked I was very much like my mother. I didn’t know what that meant, but took it as a compliment, not a come-on. Later on, when we had been drinking some wine, he said, “I should have met you first.” That made my blood freeze. I told him to back off and we didn’t talk the rest of the way back. When we got back to the cabin, he made an excuse and went home.

At midnight, I told my mother what he had said, and she replied, “I’m not surprised. I saw him looking at you in your bikini on the dock. Thanks for being so honest, dear. I won’t be seeing him again!” I sighed with relief. Today, I saw a number on my phone that could only be his. Should I talk to him?

— Still Furious, Winnipeg

Dear Furious: Talk to him only if you want it to be a one-way conversation. Start off with, “How dare you?” then tell him off and hang up. Otherwise, tell your mom that there was a call from him on your phone and you ignored it. She will take care of the rest, if I don’t miss my guess, and you will never be bothered by him again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Six days ago, I discovered my best friend, a woman of 27, is seeing another woman. I’m a little shocked because she has only dated men up to this point, but not much. She never told me she was gay or bisexual. I’m not jealous, but I do feel kind of left out that she never mentioned anything to me.

— Left Out in the Cold, River Heights

Dear Left Out: Maybe she thought you’d distance yourself from her, or be afraid she was going to “hit on” you if she revealed the nature of her sexuality. Tell her how happy you are for her and leave it at that. Continue to to call her and do things together and only pull away if she starts to distance herself from you. All this romance is new and exciting for her, so her head may be in the clouds for a time.

If you have a problem in your personal life, email Miss Lonelyhearts at lovecoach@hotmail.com.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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