Take care with family secrets

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/01/2019 (2811 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My great-grandmother (I call her G-G) told me a secret over Christmas that I desperately want to tell my sisters. G-G’s filter has worn out in places and she’s starting to tell family secrets and personal stuff that’s interesting, even shocking.

When she stayed here on New Year’s Eve, she had a few drinks and let fly after we went to bed in the same bedroom. G-G’s first love at 14 was a 17-year-old hired hand who had to drop out of school to help his family put food on the table. They got caught making love in the hayloft by her father, who went after the guy with a rake.

She didn’t get pregnant, but she wasn’t allowed to go anywhere except school for a whole year. Then her mother caught her packing to run away from home, and made her father lift the ban.

She was still dying to get away from the farm, and agreed to marry a guy her parents chose when she was 18. But she was secretly still in love the guy from the hayloft, and he was in love with her. They exchanged love letters for years, when they were both married to other people.

Great-Grandma said it was a terrible mistake — that she should have married the young man she loved instead — but then none of us would be here, would we?

I want to tell my sisters so badly, but then I’m not keeping G-G’s secret. What do you think? — Itching to Share, Rural Manitoba

Dear Itching: Great-Grandma might talk about her life again when your sisters are over. That would be the best situation. Maybe she’d even let you record her stories and secrets, now that she’s getting very old. People often feel like unburdening and telling their truths at that point.

If that’s not going to happen, before you tell your sisters, think about who might get hurt. It seems G-G’s husband — who was second choice — is gone, as she was alone at Christmas.

Is the first love of her life still alive? Would his wife be shocked if she heard this story?

And how hurt would your grandma (her daughter) be over this story? It’s not like the man in the hayloft was her bio-dad, but it might hurt to know her mother didn’t love her father as warmly.

Maybe you should ask Great-Grandma about who already knows the story. Perhaps she’s already told it to other women in the family, and they just didn’t tell you because you were younger.

Investigate, and ask Great-Grandma outright if you can share the story with your sisters. She might be OK with that, or want to tell them herself or tell you to zip your lips.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A couple of my friends have left Facebook as New Year’s resolutions because they spent too much time on it and were worried about privacy issues.

I’m really sad. I’m missing them. I don’t know how to communicate casually with them anymore. Email seems so flat and we weren’t really close.

Also, I will miss their pictures of family and trips. I’m not sure what to do to re-establish contact. What would you suggest? — Missing My Facebook Friends, Westwood

Dear Missing: I’d suggest you update your phone plan for conversation all over North America and call them. Say: “Sorry to see you’re gone on my social media. Are you anywhere else?”

Any readers have a suggestion to help casual friends in this situation? Please write in, using the address below. 

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography