Question motives for pursuing ex-nerd

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This article was published 16/01/2019 (2788 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When I was downtown at a dance club, I ran into an old classmate from high school who used to be a real nerdy guy. Now, he is a hot-looking guy with a body and nice clothes.

I asked him where he learned to dance so well, and he said old girlfriends and years of dance lessons. I couldn’t believe that he’d had any old girlfriends, even though every woman at the club was looking at him. I guess I misjudged him. I tried to flirt with him, but he wasn’t having any of it.

Finally, I asked him why he was being so cool to me. He stopped dancing, looked me right in my face and said: “I had a crush on you in high school and you acted like I wasn’t alive when I’d try to speak to you. Why am I dancing with you?” Then he walked off the dance floor in the middle of a song.

I was angry at first, thinking him a loser. But he isn’t a loser anymore and he wasn’t afraid to speak his mind. Now I’d really like to get to know him. What should I do?

— Intrigued, Sage Creek

Dear Intrigued: You should examine your reasons for valuing him now, after you treated him so coldly in high school. 1) He’s much better looking. 2) He can dance well. 3) Other women want him. 4) He had the guts to tell you off and walk away.

These are not good reasons to pursue him. It’s not his personality that attracts you so much as the fact that he turned into Prince Charming and left you on the dance floor. You don’t take rejection kindly. There’s a part of you that would like to re-captivate this former “nerd,” and then get even. Let him be!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 17 and in Grade 12. My girlfriend’s father had “a word” with me when I went to pick her up in my car.

Without saying any crude words, he let me know that he’d ruin my life if I had sex with his 16-year-old princess and got her pregnant.

She and I are nowhere near that point, and I’m not sure where this relationship will end up. I’m also turned off that her father is a jerk, so much so I’m not sure I want to date her anymore, even though I really like her. In another year of looking, I may not find another girl as nice as she is. What should I do?

— Watched By Daddy, Winnipeg

Dear Watched: Some parents see a boy’s car as a moving bedroom. They see that boy as more dangerous than a guy with bus tickets or even a guy getting rides with friends.

If you break up with her immediately, it will look like you only wanted her for sex and daddy wins. But you like her more than that.

Next time you’re going to see her, initiate a private talk with her father and lead the conversation.

Tell him you have no plans to sleep with his daughter and you have no desire to be a father of a baby. Let him know what your career plans are and that pregnancy has no part in that dream.

Mention that down the road, if you and his daughter both want to get intimate, she will go to a doctor and there will be several kinds of contraceptives involved. That will give him something to think about. Chances are he will respect you more.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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