Time to call out gaseous girlfriend on rude habits

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/08/2019 (2598 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m sorry, but this is rude. My girlfriend is a gasbag and makes no apology for it. I’ll be very frank. She burps and farts like it’s an Olympic sport, and she thinks it’s hilarious.

It was funny at first, as she’s a tiny little thing, but now it’s just a part of her personality, I guess. I’m so over this low-class humour. It’s just not funny and it’s such a turnoff.

The past few times she stayed over, she did it all evening. I told her my opinion on it, but she got mad and told me I was overreacting and it wasn’t a big deal! She also gave me the “You’re a guy, why do you care?” line.

Well, guess what? I do care, and so does another part of my body that isn’t very excited when she’s around belching after every sip of her drink. How do I get through to her?

— Not Her Parent, St. Boniface

Dear Not Her Parent: Don’t even try. If she asks you why you’re saying bye-bye, tell her she’s too rude and immature for you, and you want someone who’s more of a lady. That will either embarrass her or make her roar with laughter.

Burps and farts are junior high school behaviour. Let her find herself a younger guy or a guy her age who’s just as crude as she is.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My younger sister has a thing for my boyfriend and is always around when he comes over to pick me up. She dresses sexy and has a much hotter body than I have.

My boyfriend swears he’s not turned on by her little tricks, but the other day she plunked down on his lap and put her arm around his neck and played with his ear and said, “And how are you, my friend?”

Friend? Who does that (witch) think she’s kidding? I dragged her off his lap by her ponytail, and pushed her down hard on the floor.

Now she isn’t talking to me and I don’t care, but it’s tense around here. My dad hasn’t said anything yet, but he’s mad about this.

My mother, who is on my side, isn’t making us get back together as friends. After all, why should I have to make up with my sister? She started the entire problem. What else could I have done?

— Big Sister, 17, Small-Town Manitoba

Dear Big Sister: Your mother sides with you, so she is wisely keeping quiet. She may be thinking: “At least she didn’t sock her in the face!” Your dad would be the best person to step in and have a roundtable talk with the two of you and your mom. He can do all of the talking while he explains to your sister she is never to go after one of your boyfriends again, and that violence in the family is not going to be the way to go. From now on, no one is to touch anyone else’s boyfriend. Any problems with boyfriend-stealing must be brought to him. Your mom would be best to just nod her head in this situation. Show your parents this response, and let me know how it goes.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I sneaked a look at my girlfriend’s phone and saw tons of texts from different guys. I thought she and I were getting serious, but she was flirting right back.

I confronted her and she attacked me for looking at her phone. I guess I’d be mad if she looked at my phone history, but I feel like she has more to be ashamed of.

These dudes straight up tell her she’s “cute” and “hot” and ask if she’d like to get together. She’s not quite saying yes, but obviously lapping it right up. We’ve only been together six months, so I’m thinking of getting out of this relationship.

Should I?

— Feeling Bad Vibes, St. Vital

Dear Bad Vibes: Say adios to this sneaky señorita! She’s keeping you around as a sure bet for friendship and sex. She clearly isn’t regarding your relationship as a real romance. And, she may be one of those people who will never give up the secret ego boosts she gets, no matter who she’s with.

You need a trustable sweetheart who’s just not into that trickery — one who has a healthy ego and is so happy with you she doesn’t need to run a parallel track to her relationship, with other guys telling her how hot she looks.

As for your creeping on her phone messages, you had reason to be suspicious. Which is the lesser crime — what she did, or what you did? Don’t lose too much sleep over the way you found out she wasn’t being loyal to you.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is quite the barbecue king. At first I thought it was because he likes to cook. No, he just likes to drink every day, and he sees drinking beers as a companion to the barbecue thing.

It also goes with entertaining his friends who like to drink, so he invites guys over way too often, and then he gets quite drunk by the end of the night.

We just got married at Christmas and I’ve noticed the creeping drinking problem since the snow was barely off the ground when he cranked up that barbecue. I told him when we got married I didn’t want casual, constant drinking in the house like my alcoholic parents did. I find it gross and scary. Well, surprise surprise! I married my father, and now he’s on the path to where my parents both ended up. It’s scary, as I love this man like my mother loves my father. How do I get this stopped?

— Horrified, Tuxedo

Dear Horrified: Ask your husband if he would be willing to quit drinking because he seems to be turning into an alcoholic. After his righteous anger has died down, go to Al-Anon for the partners and friends of alcoholics and find out your options.

If the best you can do with him is learn to live with this alcoholism, I would strongly suggest you give up on this marriage now, before you have children, so you don’t relive your family experience as that would be very hard on you. Nobody needs to go through that twice, and particularly when you’re not a drinker yourself.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.