Seeing real him will help you move on

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/02/2020 (2394 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve been crying like a dripping faucet for two long weeks, because my boyfriend broke up with me in the cruellest of ways. He cheated on me with a friend of his he’s been calling lesbian. 

I could only plead a cold-and-flu to stay home from work for one week. It was pretty embarrassing the next week to run to the bathroom at work to cry. I was a wreck and my closest supervisor knew why. But, she told me, as nicely as she could, to get some help from a doctor and shape up fast. 

Luckily, my boyfriend called and said how sorry he was, so I let him come back to save my broken heart and my job. The thing is, I think he just wanted the makeup sex. Now that he’s had it, he seems restless. 

You see, I’m still boring old me and he’s still exciting him. He wants an outgoing, fun person like he is, and I’m an introvert. I love to stay at home and watch movies, read books or play computer games. He’s a sporty guy, and loves dancing at the clubs.  

We are back where we were when we broke up, and now he makes me feel like I’m less than other women — except in bed, where I’m surprisingly good. But now I don’t trust him or respect him the same way and don’t feel like being so open. Please help.

— Old News GF, Downtown 

Dear Old News GF: It’s good he came back and gave you time to see him for who he really is, and to get over the biggest part of the heartache. Now you don’t trust him or respect him, and you have little in common, so you’ll find the sex dwindles as well. No woman wants to be touched that deeply by a person they don’t really like — even if they have leftover sexual feelings for them. 

Prediction? You will be the one to dump him, given some time. You’ll realize it would be better to be single for a time, until you find another real sweetheart.

And, when YOU do the dumping, there are far fewer tears and disruption in your ability to work.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just came back from Mexico where I had a great time, and I want to go back there and live. I studied Spanish in high school and university and have a good grasp of it. My parents and friends say I’m crazy. What do you think?

— Pushing 30, Winnipeg

Dear Pushing 30: I think anyone with an education and a good grasp of a foreign language should try working in a country they love, if possible — at least for a time. But you need a job lined up before you go. Could you represent a Canadian tour company perhaps? Work at a school or university? 

Take six months or so and research the whole thing and see what kind of work you could get. Don’t just go down there and start going door to door, to hotels and shops looking for work. Mexico is not as secure or safe a climate as here in Canada, particularly for a single young woman, clearly on her own.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was saddened to see your response to Pregnant Wife. You supported the husband about the puppy he just brought home, without asking. The husband should never have expected his pregnant wife to be thrilled, or want to clean up after it. That’s ridiculous. 

It doesn’t matter if she’s not working; they are equals and it should have been discussed. If she said having a dog was too much for her right then, he needed to respect that. Instead, he got to act like a child, and she was chastened for not accommodating his disrespectful and selfish behaviour. 

I got a dog this year, and even with it being my choice, it was a ton of work, and sometimes I resented it. I cannot imagine how I’d have felt if I had to do all that work for a dog I didn’t even want. Especially when pregnant.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: (Re: Pregnant Wife) My animal-loving husband brought home a female puppy when we were expecting a baby boy. He promised to do most of the work for the dog, and he did. I never scooped a poop — and he did all the dog-walking. 

Now our first child and the dog are best of buddies and that sweet dog actually does some of the babysitting, sitting quietly beside him while they watch TV together, or they just cuddle close and sleep on the couch. I keep a close eye on both of them, but the doggie is like a canine nanny. 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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