Hedge your bets against run-in with ex

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/02/2020 (2377 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I can’t believe who’s moving in next door! The moving van drove right over the front yard yesterday morning, and they started bringing in old furniture that looked strangely familiar.

It turns out my new neighbours are my obnoxious former step-daughter, from my obnoxious second wife, and her family. I learned my lesson and became a bachelor after wife No. 3, who is now gone from the city. I thought I had finally found domestic freedom. Ha!

I’m still living in the house I’ve owned since I was in my late 20s. It’s a great big house, and I never moved, though a few wives and their offspring came and went.

This former step-daughter saw me watching the move as I shovelled my walk, and didn’t even wave or come over and say hello. She knows I can’t stand her mother, yet knowingly bought the house next door that is almost exactly like mine, and she has some of my old Roseanne-style furniture from ages ago!

Now I fear my disgusting alcoholic ex-wife will be coming to visit next door, as she and her annoying daughter were thick as thieves and even drank together. I haven’t seen that ex for years and had hoped I’d never see her again in this lifetime!

She was hard to get rid of because she claimed she was still “in love” with me when I broke up with her, and would always be. Yuck, what a thought. How do I, as a basically shy man, handle this threat? Help!

— Horrified, Corydon area

Dear Horrified: Yes, your ex-wife may just wander over for a visit and that initial visit will determine how things go. So, listen up: Don’t be nasty. Instead, bore her to death. Tell her nothing of interest about your life. Let unpleasant silences drag on, after you speak. If absolutely necessary, tell her you still don’t want anything to do with her. Then start pricing privacy hedges that arrive half-grown (or more) and plant them well on your side of the property line, front to back.

As for the step-daughter, she may have adored the big old house she remembers, but not you — the guy who punted her mother — so probably no worries there.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: After reading your response to Miserable (the newly retired man with his TV-addicted wife) I was dismayed. First of all, the TV addict wife sounds like me — an introvert.

Introverts do not thrive on social interaction but actually need time alone to recharge their batteries. This, coupled with menopause and depression, is sending the TV addict further down a hole. Not interested in sex? Another symptom of depression. Please try to recognize mental illness for what it is. What she needs most now is a doctor, not a job.

— Been There, Winnipeg

Dear Been There: First, you don’t have to be an introvert or mentally ill to get sucked in and addicted to TV. Before this husband retired, there was not such a big problem. Even while he was still working, the problem was not as evident. She probably cleaned and watched TV all day and had dinner cooking when her husband came home. Sound comfortable? In an old-fashioned way, yes. Also, her husband didn’t have to watch her sitting glassy-eyed all day in front of the boob tube.

But when the husband suddenly retired and was home all day, and didn’t approve, she couldn’t stand him there witnessing her TV-centred lifestyle.

Just as a gambler doesn’t want her mate watching her gamble all day, she wanted to watch her shows in peace. This husband has ended up going for endless walks to get away from the stagnant situation at home.

Depressed? In need of counselling? Maybe both of them need marriage counselling. They really need stimulation, friends and fun, and someone to tell them both that. A part-time job and/or charity work and a sport they both enjoy — possibly pickleball, a cross between table tennis and outdoor tennis — would help get them back in the land of the living.

Then they might regain each other’s respect, privacy and enjoyment of conversation, and perhaps affection and sexual interest. The wife will finally get some exercise beyond turning on the TV and the husband won’t have to spend his time walking endlessly in the winter to give his wife the privacy of the house so she can watch TV.

Realistically, this man is only 60-years old, sexually capable, and wants more than a platonic living-together situation. If this marriage continues to be cold and unhappy past counselling, the husband may want to break up and explore the adult singles world. In 2020 it is alive and well for older adults as well as younger ones at meetup.com, with activities for singles and marrieds, and Adventures for Successful Singles (adventuresforsuccessfulsingles.com). Mature singles are certainly not stuck for options these days.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography