Listen to lawyer, zip your lip

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/02/2020 (2394 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m the unfortunate ex of a big blabber. I have heard the dirty details of my marriage right down to sexual malfunctions and quotes of things I actually said. 

My ex-wife is a vindictive woman and although she is the one who left me and broke my heart, she seems to want to burn me again every chance she gets! 

She already has a new boyfriend/lover who has met our kids and I heard this weekend he is now staying over, every time the kids are at my place for overnights. The kids seem to know a lot I don’t think they should know at this point! 

So, I phoned the witch up! I asked her why she was forcing our kids into a relationship with a new man before our marriage bed had even cooled and she said, “Our marriage bed was never hot to begin with, and we’re divorced now!” Then I lost it and the fight was on about her infidelities. 

I phoned my lawyer the next day, still smokin’ mad, and he told me we should both “shut our mouths and try to be civil so we can work out a decent divorce deal.”

I don’t see how money has anything to do with it at this point. I just want my ex-wife to treat our children like children, and not like junior adults.

What should be my next move? —Lawyer Told Me to Shut Up, Windsor Park

Dear Told: Your lawyer is right. You’ve said more than enough now and your wife certainly isn’t going to take your advice on what she does with the children with regard to her new boyfriend.  Every new quote you give her goes straight to her lawyer.

You need to see a relationship counsellor and/or psychologist on your own and vent to a person who isn’t in the middle of this, and who can coach you through this breakup. 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother-in-law is a youngish hot-to-trot woman with a beaten-down looking husband who spends all his time out at the bar drinking himself into oblivion.

Does she stay home and hurt over his total departure from the home scene? No sirree! Not at all! She’s out every Friday and Saturday night, and also a night or two during the week, according to what I squeezed out of him. 

My curiosity got the better of me and I asked her where she goes and what she does. She said, “Different places, Sherlock! By the way, my social life is none of your business. Nor is it my daughter’s, so if you’re asking in order to tell her, forget it.”

You can tell she and I don’t get along very well, but I had to get tough with her privately, early on in the marriage, when she was trying to come on to me behind her daughter’s back. I spoke to her out on the driveway as she was getting into her car, and she said “What harm could a little flirting do, when my daughter’s right there on the property?”

I told her off in no uncertain terms and she blasted out of the driveway. That was months ago, but we’re still enemies. I feel sorry for her husband who obviously has good reason to go out and hide himself in the bar.

My wife is fretting over both parents and thinks a divorce is coming and that it will “kill” her daddy. Her dad still adores her mother, like she’s some kind of movie star.

I don’t know what to say to my wife when she talks about it. Give me some words! — Caught in the Middle, Tuxedo 

Dear Caught: Don’t worry about what you’re going to say anymore. Just settle your own feelings about it, and they will rub off on your wife.

Say wishy-washy things like, “They’re grown-ups and they will do what they have to do,” or “It may work out that your parents will split and find partners who are more suitable and be happier.”

Don’t give any specific advice or criticize her mother — even if your wife does! Anything specific or nasty will cause her to bite your head off, because she is so agitated. You can’t win, buddy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography