Turn tables on Uncle Freeloader

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 01/03/2020 (2335 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My uncle has been a broke and somewhat greasy guy all his life — the kind that pops in “making nice” for a few weeks, asks to borrow money, then takes off a few days later.

The reason I’m writing you is that my mom tells me she heard her freeloading brother is coming back in a month, and he’s now singing a tune about being a “changed man.” Ha! I just know he’s going to ask to stay at my house because I’m single, and he’ll ding me for money again! I’m not a rich guy, and neither are my siblings. I don’t want him taking advantage of any of us. What’s the best way to deal with him?

— Worried & Nervous, Osborne Village

Dear Nervous: Turn the tables on him. When he calls, tell him how glad you are to hear from him but you are low on money and need him to pay back everything he owes you and give him the total. Shock! He’ll never agree to pay, but you’ll stop seeing him again.

When I was a teenager my dad told me it was worth lending $100 to get rid of freeloaders — and that they would cross the street not to meet up with you. That only works if it’s a lot of money to them — and if they have guilty feelings. This uncle doesn’t, so work it a different way. Also, tell him before he asks, that you can’t afford guests who don’t help pay the rent and for food up front.

He’ll move on to the next soft-hearted soul and try to dupe them instead!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just got back from an amazing backpacking trip overseas and I don’t want to be with my boyfriend anymore. I learned so much about who I am and also saw there were a lot of people in places in the world who can hardly afford a roof over their heads.

After getting home, my boyfriend just doesn’t seem to cut it anymore. He’s loud, obnoxious and immature, and so “First World” and entitled. I’m the only one in this equation whose values are different. We’ve only been dating for a year and he really loves me, but I just find myself pulling away. Is this just culture shock that will go away?

— Disgusted With His “Values,” Tuxedo

Dear Disgusted: You’ve been away from this entitled guy, gained a world of life-learning and a different set of values. Tell him you two are no longer a fit. If he wants reasons, give them to him. It might open his eyes a little. Then it’s time to hit the road, maybe in more ways than one. Could it be time to move or change education directions? Do you have different goals yet? Make some and pursue them — don’t settle back in.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother living next door is an enthusiastic drunk. She gets up early to start drinking, probably because she’s 89 and doesn’t sleep well. She drinks all day and by suppertime she is stewed to the eyeballs. Then her “boyfriend” comes over and they drink and watch their favourite TV shows and movies. But then he goes home to take his many medications. Rinse and repeat every evening!

I worry about her during the night. I suggested she ask him to stay over but she said, being old-fashioned, “What? Marry him and cut in on your inheritance! Did mama raise a fool? No! Now mind your own business!”

Should I? What if she falls in the night from drinking, hits her head and dies?

— Worried Daughter, Next Door in St. Boniface

Dear Worried Daughter: Mama wants the privacy, and she’s happy the way things are, so why mix in? Here’s a compromise: Buy mom a service like Victoria Lifeline medical alert where she can touch a button around her neck if she’s in trouble and help will come. You will even be notified if she puts you — her “interfering” daughter — on the list. Don’t keep mothering your mother! She’s feisty and she hates it. Relax and play ball with her or she may cut you out of her will.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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