Creative wife has right to write in the buff

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 06/03/2020 (2047 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is an author and she always writes in the nude. Believe me, it is not sexy. She says it’s not meant to be sexy, but it makes her feel free and gets her into a creative mood.

She doesn’t want me coming over and touching her up, although there she is — naked as the day she was born.

We used to have fights over this. It all came to a head the other day when the doorbell rang and it was somebody with a parcel she was very excited to receive.

She grabbed a tie-up robe out of the guest bedroom downstairs and raced to the door, and the guy looked at her chest and made a lewd comment. Her robe hadn’t tied properly and it was hanging open, showing her top deck.

She was furious, grabbed the parcel she was expecting, yelled names at him like “pig!” and slammed the door in his face.

I ran down from the upstairs bedroom and saw her fuming about this guy. I shrugged and commented that “one of the girls was still looking at me.” She looked down, and saw I was right.

Then I just lost it. “Enough!” I said, “You have to start acting like a working adult,” and she said, “I am a working adult, and you’re acting like a jealous adolescent. You are not the boss of me!”

I said, “How would you like it if I went to work half-dressed?” and she reminded me archly she was in the privacy of her own home. (Yeah, and how well did that work for her?)

What is the answer to this, Miss L.?

— Upset Husband, Norwood

Dear Upset: Nobody wants their love partner to answer the door with sexual parts of their body on display. Having said that, your wife has every right to work in the nude if she wants, but she has to be more careful.

That’s where your ability to control her ends. She should have a pullover robe near her computer she can throw over her head to cover up quickly, if she needs to.

You might buy her a nice one, even knowing full well she might ignore it out of stubbornness.

By the way, a surprising number of people who work from home work in the nude. Why? Because they can, and it feels good to them.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a small guy, but love watching wrestlers on TV at night. My wife calls it “a disgusting display of macho BS.”

I have to agree, but I love the drama unfolding and it amuses me. I also love the physicality of fighting.

I work in a very serious type of computer job and need some distraction to get out of that mood, and into a fun mood to be a warm, human partner for my wife.

She said last night in a snarky voice she thinks wrestling “turns me on” — and she meant sexually. That made me feel upset and insulted, as she’s hinting at homosexual feelings.

I don’t have them, believe me, but the excitement and physicality of the wrestling does get me feeling like getting involved physically with her — and she has no complaints about the great sex life we have! The truth is, wrestling relaxes me enough to be turned on by her later that evening.

She is young and I try to write off a lot of silly things she says because of her immaturity.

But how do I get her to take back her insinuations about me? I don’t know if she means them or not, or if it was just a low blow.

— Fighting With Her Now, River Heights

Dear Fighting With Her: What sticks out in your letter is that the wrestling comes first. Then you’re in the mood to pay attention to her.

I’m not suggesting you stop into a bar on the way home to de-stress from your serious job, but you do need to find something to do with your wife when you greet her, other than looking for a wrestling match on TV.

Find other de-stressors besides the wrestling. Could you cook together, go walking in the snow under the stars, hit a gym together, watch a sitcom or a movie together?

She needs to be first on your agenda before you turn to her for sex at night, rather than being your après-wrestling activity.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.