Time to tune out randy parents or move on

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/03/2020 (2046 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m staying with my parents in the country right now and I guess they aren’t used to having company, because they’re “doing it” loud and proud in their bedroom with thin walls inside this old farm house.

I’m up here helping my dad fix things around the farm as he is getting older, but, wow, you would never know it. It’s grossing me out and I promised them I would stay out here for a few months before I go on a trip to Asia in the late spring. What do I do? 

— Too Much Information, My Parents’ Farm

Dear TMI: First, you need industrial earplugs — the kind where you don’t hear a thing. Tell them their “snoring and other noises” are keeping you awake and that you’re dying from no sleep.

When it gets a little warmer, a couch bed in the basement — if there is one — might provide enough distance for some soundproofing and you can pull out the earplugs. And by warm spring, a trailer or a tent (good practice for travelling) would be OK for the last month.

Right now, you’ll have to settle for earphones for early evening and earplugs when it’s serious sleep time.

Are there any aunts, uncles or friends in town with an extra bedroom? You will get testy as your sleep deprivation gets worse. 

If you’re asking around for alternate digs in town — even for the weekends — just blame the noise problem on your dad’s snoring, whether he does or not. No one in town needs to know about your parents’ loud love lives. Protect them from the gossip and teasing, because you love them. P.S.: That’s how they got you!

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m raising my grandson, as his mother and father passed away when he was young. He’s finally a teenager, and with that comes all the regular problems with teenagers. 

The thing is, there are seemingly so many more of these problems than ever used to exist. When I raised his mother, things were still a challenge, but there was no social media or creeps trying to talk to her online. 

My grandson is only 13 and wants a mobile phone. I fear he’ll be on it way past bedtime, talking to strangers and visiting websites he shouldn’t be. Am I worrying too much?

— Grandma Worrywart 

Dear Grandma: Oh boy, 13 years old — or is that 13 years young? He’s too old to be treated like a baby, but he needs full explanation to be treated like a young man with his phone. If you are willing to research the dangers, like any good parent-figure should, and he’s given the important information, then give him his first phone. 

It is also a lifeline to you, and you can phone him and find him when you want to, so it’s good for a measure of safety. 

Of course, he should be warned about sending intimate pictures of any part of his anatomy as that can come back to bite him — socially, or when looking for work. He should also be warned about older men pretending they are younger and wanting to meet him based on some excuse — like giving him cheap or free electronics. He should know what “grooming” is — older guys buying kids gifts and trying to be “friends.” Then there are girls who want to play dangerous games, meet your boy, and then make him look like the bad guy, if things go awry.

Once he knows about the dark side (he already knows the good side) remember this: He can always phone you 24-7 for help or dial 911. His cellphone can be a good thing, if used right. 

Probably you will need to buy the first one and pay the monthly bills. He’d need a part-time job to support a phone and jobs are hard to get until you’re 14. Losing it will require he buys a new one.

You can’t develop responsibility until you’re given some. So, give him a budget to get a used cellphone a few years older, but still the kind he wants, and get a basic plan with unlimited texting for him. He can use wifi to get online when there’s a hot spot. 

A good time to start learning is around 13, but you should know some kids start at 10. By the way, there were more perils in the earlier days of social media, but with less anonymity now, there are more checks on creeps.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a guy in my mid-20s. My girlfriend is constantly wanting me to give her oral sex and I just don’t like it very much. This is a problem, because we live way up north where there is not a big choice in people to date, and I like her otherwise. I avoid it at all costs, and I could care less if she wants to give it to me. Either way, I just don’t like feeling pressured the way I do, and I think it’s fair of me to feel this way since I’m not demanding it in return. 

Lately, she has been calling me a “misogynist” for not wanting to do it, and I don’t know exactly what that is, but it sounds nasty. What happens next?

— Northern Guy, Land of Few Women

Dear Northern Guy: First, a misogynist is a person who dislikes, or is strongly prejudiced against women. You like women but just don’t like a certain sexual act. That’s allowed. Most people don’t like everything on the sexual menu. What’s happened here is you have embarrassed the girl, and accidentally made her feel shamed.

Light in the darkness: There are many different ways to make love and toys can provide a substitute for what’s missing, even oral sex, on both sides, if you care to explore.You might check out sex shops such as lovenestonline.com. Bathtub attachments might be helpful as a temporary experiment to please this lady, but they lack the personal touch.

Are you considering this young woman as a permanent partner? There is a big difference in sexual activity preference between you. One can only hope you aren’t in love for a lifetime with each other. She wants the total intimacy of give-and-take oral sex and she can find that elsewhere. That doesn’t make you unusual, weird, lacking or a misogynist. There are a lot of people who don’t like to give or take this experience. So each of you can find a better match, if you search a little further. 

A marriage is too long to be half-satisfied on her side or too long to be forced to do an activity you don’t like on your side. 

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.