Joint long-haul trips may keep relationship trucking

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This article was published 15/05/2020 (2271 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR READERS: The letter below is in response to Love her Lots, the long-haul trucker who’s suspicious because his lonely, young second wife has a best girlfriend sleep over some nights in their big bed. I told him it might be innocent, and if he really wanted to hold onto this second wife he may need to drive shorter trips or fewer of them.

— Miss L.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Many long-haul drivers work as husband/wife teams. The wife may or may not share in driving, but is there for the company.

One couple I know well has travelled all over Canada, the U.S. and northern Mexico. The wife has her smartphone and a camera at the ready, and journals their travels including tasty meals they discover at rest stops.

Long-haul trucks these days are rigged for comfort including bunks to rest in, on-board refrigerators for keeping drinks and food, and other amenities. Most major truck stops include restaurants, showers and rooms for rent for truckers who have to take a rest break.

Truckers are limited in the hours they can drive in 24 hours, which extends trips. They are required to take a rest break if they can’t make their destination in a single day. That leaves time for rest and play.

— Another Avenue for Exploration, Winnipeg

Dear Another Avenue: Your idea has merit. If the long-haul trucker’s young wife doesn’t have an established career, she might consider trying at least one long trip with him, to see how it feels.

People need different amounts of together/apart time and it’s clear his wife can’t take the long hauls where she’s left all by herself for many days and sometimes weeks. Who knows? She might like life on the road, especially if it’s done in imaginative ways, as with the couple you mentioned.

However, she might simply not want to be in a truck for days on end. If they can’t work out a lifestyle where she isn’t so lonely that she needs someone else when he’s away, it’s not likely the marriage is going to last for long.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My grandmother is a tough nut. We kids always got a kick out of her — a real renegade. She lived on a farm a long way from town with grandpa where she raised a bunch of kids, including my mom. She liked to play poker and smoked a pipe.

Ten years ago, grandpa died and she moved to town within a few years.

Now my mother’s in a snit because grandma has a boyfriend. Well, he’s hardly a boy, but he’s retired and 10 or so years younger than she is.

Suddenly she’s got a nice hairstyle and has coloured her grey hair. She has new clothes, is looking a lot younger and even gave up her pipe.

A few weeks ago she announced they’re getting married in Vegas next Christmas, or here in Canada this fall “if they can’t wait.” Good for them!

For some reason I can’t figure out, my mom’s in a total huff. My brother says it probably has to do with money from the farm. That sounds ridiculous to me. What do you think?

— Her Favourite Grandson

Dear Grandson: Perhaps grandma’s grown children (like your mom) know there was big money from selling the farm, so perhaps the hope or plan was for the money to be split between those siblings — after grandma dies. Will that happen if this fiancé steps in to be her new husband?

Ask your mom straight up if that’s what she’s upset about. In some second marriages of older people, the lovebirds agree on a legal deal ahead of time so their inheritances to their grown-up “kids” stay the same.

If this isn’t necessarily the problem, and mom is “keeping mum,” ask if she knows how the fiancé treated his first wife and about common problems such as drinking, gambling, bad temper, abuse or cheating, and she may tell you what she’s actually worried about.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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