Pandemic party-boy needs to grow up or move out

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This article was published 12/10/2020 (2164 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in response to Worried Mom whose son is going out with his friends, using her car without appropriate COVID precautions. I’m inclined to agree with the father that changing his son’s behaviour may be challenging. In that case, the question becomes: How do you protect the rest of the household when one person is unwilling to protect those he lives with?

She says the son is in is 20s, which is old enough to understand the pandemic. I’d wouldn’t just take the car away. I’d clearly state the expectation that everyone who lives in the house will take appropriate COVID-19 precautions as advised by public health. If he does not wish to abide by those expectations, he is certainly old enough to find his own place to live (maybe with his friends who have similar behaviour) and not expose his family to the risk of the choices he is making.

If he becomes infected and transmits to family members, they may experience more serious effects than he would because of the differences in illness severity due to age.

The job of parents is to raise people who can function in the world. “Getting along with others” skills are important for everything, including navigating shared living accommodations. If he hasn’t yet learned how to respect the people he lives with by not exposing them to health risks, then this is an important teachable moment.

—Tough Love Mom, Winnipeg

Dear Tough Love: Respect and caring for the safety of others comes with maturity, and this “kid” hasn’t grown up. He needs a confrontation for his own sake, and for the health and safety of his parents. He’s certainly old enough to be up and out. Some people in their 20s are already raising a family. If he’s going to endanger anyone, let it be someone who is also doing exactly what he’s doing out in Party Land.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Your advice to Worried Mom whose 20-something son borrows her car to go out with his friends to party is too lax in COVID times. A car can be sanitized and aired out, but the young man could be infected and not show symptoms. He could be infecting other people and his family. He should be quarantining after going out.

By the way, use of alcohol will make them more careless. They are all behaving as if nothing can happen to them. Please be stricter in your advice to her and him.

— Concerned Reader, Manitoba

Dear Concerned: You’re right. This young man doesn’t take advice or discipline very seriously, so the parents can only protect themselves. Mom needs to take back his car privileges, sanitize the vehicle and tell him to look for a new place to live. He’s 20-something and endangering his own family while he lives there.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Yesterday I told this older lady to pull her COVID mask up, and she gave me a dirty look and offered up a few swear words. I said: “Pull it up or I’m calling a store manager to make you leave the store.” She yanked it up and called me a few bad names seniors shouldn’t know.

I don’t know why so many young people are getting the bad rap for going out and not masking. I see plenty of old people in stores who have them hanging around their necks and not up over the nose and mouth where it will do some good. It’s their mask that protects me from them. Otherwise, I’m just protecting them. Not a fair deal!

— Annoyed 100 Per Cent Masker, Downtown

Dear 100 Per Cent: Good for you! Those who wear a mask under their chins may have just had it up long enough to gain entrance to a store. If people were more worried about strangers telling them to pull their masks up, then more would do it. Nothing like a little social pressure!

But fighting with strangers like you did may just mean they’ll jerk it down again when you’ve passed them, and maybe call you more nasty names. If, after asking someone nicely to pull their mask up, and they turn hostile, quietly mention the incident to a department manager.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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