A little domestic diplomacy goes far

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/12/2020 (2083 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My son and his girlfriend have been a massive pain in my rear during the pandemic. She came to stay with us for safety (his big idea) and she’s been living with him in his bedroom since April.

I don’t mind having someone else in our house, but she doesn’t even try to contribute anything. It bugs me most that she doesn’t pitch in to make any dinners. My son continues to do his bit with chores. Miss Forever Guest does nothing.

Yesterday, the “sheets” hit the fan: She threw their dirty sheets in with mine to wash. That’s far too intimate for me. I want her out, but it’s code red and my husband says no. What would you do?

— Had It With Miss Forever! East Kildonan

Dear Had It: This is a COVID problem which could go on for the better part of a year, or more. Lots of young couples (18 to early 20s) have been suddenly allowed to live with one set of their parents. It’s a new kind of couple — barely out of high school — so some are pretty immature.

Many of these “kids” are not super-serious couples who had any plans for marriage — or even to live together — before this all happened. But they are sexually-active and crazy about each other, and parents take them both in to keep safety bubbles smaller and safer. Living together in a dangerous time, makes sense.

You and your husband are going to have to openly divide labour within the household now, and make the new arrangements nicely. Shaming the young couple will not help. Be positive, Mama!

And consider this: Your son’s young woman may have thought she was on your territory and should not interfere. Now she’ll know she’s part of the crew, upstairs and down, with assigned jobs for everyone, including making dinners and doing one’s own laundry. She may like knowing what she can do to help, rather than guessing. But, if she feels embarrassed (more out of place than ever) and hates it at your house, she will move home with her parents — and your son may move out with her. How will you feel about his moving over there?

Then that household’s bubble unfortunately becomes your sons and yours, through his constant contact with that family and their cohorts.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When I had a date a few weeks ago, my big puppy was sick out both ends and made a huge mess. It was so gross. My date threw up, grabbed his jacket and took off out the door. The crazy part is I really like him, but I’m too embarrassed to reach out.

He hasn’t contacted me since. I feel terrible, but I’m so shy my fingers won’t even type out a text message. How can I start that conversation?

— Pup’s Embarrassed “Mom,” St. Vital

Dear Embarrassed: Use a little humour to handle this, along with the advantage of your real voice. Call him up, and say something silly, like, “My pup didn’t get her ‘Get Well Soon’ card, so I’m presuming it got stuck in the mail. Would you like me to give her a message?” He’ll probably laugh at that, so then you say: “And how are you, by the way? I hope you’re feeling better. Did you catch anything from her?”

How can he resist a fun conversation like this? If he’s nice about it, that means his embarrassment is now over, and you can continue seeing each other, if you both want to. If he’s cold and awkward, then he’s just not the right guy for a warm-hearted pet lover like you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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