Cruel holiday move proves ex lacks character

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 19/12/2020 (2070 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got a shock in the mail — a Christmas card from my ex-husband with a photo of him and his new bride. He wrote inside, “Just thought you should know.” I ripped that card into a hundred pieces!

Why did I need to know? We’ve been divorced five years. We were a very young couple who never should have been married. We had no babies together and no money agreement. He left because he felt he’d made “a big mistake,” he was “too young” and it “wasn’t real love.”

It was real love on my part! It took me two years to get over him — and the reruns in my head of the big wedding, and all the family and friends wishing us well and cheering us on. He’s the one who broke his vows and left me not long after in shame and embarrassment. I gave him my whole heart. I was so hurt by his leaving me!

I’m over him and now this happens just before Christmas, rubbing it in. Please tell me why he did it, so I can sleep. I feel like I’m…

— Ripped In Pieces, Southdale

Dear Ripped: What a cruel move on his part! Ripping up the new wedding photo was probably a good thing to do — cathartic for you, plus, you can’t show it around, which would make it feel even bigger and more hurtful.

Why did he do it? He probably sent that photo to prove he wasn’t a loser, that he could love and marry someone else. Ironically, the act of sending it proves he’s still immature and a loser. You can bet his new wife has no idea he did it.  It’s likely he won’t make this second marriage work either.

It’s time to just forget about it. Don’t let that photo be significant in your present life. He continues to be a poor choice of husband, and he has a nasty streak. You’re lucky he’s gone, and that poor woman has him!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I are going to be alone on Christmas, with family — our son and grandkids — Zooming on Christmas Day. That’s a bit of OK, but Christmas Eve was always really the special gathering.

My wife is trying to keep her disappointment hidden over this “freakin’ COVID Christmas,” as she calls it, but I caught her in tears over it. She’s always been the epitome of the Christmas Elf. What do you suggest?

— Hurting For Her, Fort Garry

Dear Hurting For Her: On Christmas Eve, you need to change everything from other years, particularly the location of celebrating. Because it gets dark so early, take her out with a picnic hamper full of food, drinks and goodies for a tour of the best Christmas lights in Winnipeg. Take video or photos to send to the kids and grandkids.

When you get home, if your wife is up for it, watch a Christmas movie while making a list of people to phone the next day. Your Zoom party the next day will be fun, but won’t last forever, and lots of other friends and extended family will be grateful for your calling them. And make a toast to this: There’s a vaccine coming, and if all goes well with it next year, old style Christmas will be back! 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is watching Sopranos reruns all the time. I can’t even tell you how many times he watched every episode years ago, when he was an addicted gambler. Then he quit for years.

He just started rewatching that series again a few months ago. I know the show has a ton of fans, but it was something special for him in his gambling days. I’m worried he might be hiding something. It sure makes him swear and get mad more. He’s also started talking like a gangster — half joking, half not — and now so are our teenage boys. Should I ask him straight up if something is “going on” again?

— His Wife, Not His Broad, The Maples

Dear Wife, Not His Broad: Why not mention that he’s acting differently, and ask him straight up if he’s gambling again. Then watch his face very carefully. People do fall off the gambling wagon, and some are very good at hiding it. He may also be innocent and just watching the show because it’s boring in COVID times, because it’s entertaining and makes him feel cocky, like a wise guy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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