Mutual improvements could fire up relationship

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This article was published 31/12/2020 (2108 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR READERS: “Ring in that new year 2021! So much for COVID year 2020.” That’s the message I’m hearing from everyone this year. We need to stay careful, but we also need new coping mechanisms to get us all to the vaccines. That means new sports to try out, new journeys in and around this city and countryside, activities like cross-country skiing, snowshoeing and ice fishing.

New online games are popping up weekly, and dusty old board games from the basement make for fun family tournaments. Then there are serious cards. I have heard of one family of four kids who have learned how to play solitaire, poker, canasta and bridge from their parents — and are loving it.

Still, many couples and families are just bumping along, dead-bored, and picking at each other. Check out this frustrated letter below from Mr. Hefty:

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: How can I make my dang New Year’s resolution list when I don’t know where the world will be at in 2021? I’m a goal-oriented business and sports guy. Every year I make up a list of things I want to accomplish, resolutions for things I want to improve, and actually do them!

Since COVID-19 happened, I’m working at home and so is my wife. My perfect wife whines she’s “disappointed” I gained all my weight back and have a big beer belly. With the lockdown, I’m eating five meals a day, drinking too much beer, and heavier than ever. So much for that! I’m now eating bacon and eggs and ribs and takeout everything, as well as wine, liqueurs and chocolates. I’m not giving them up until we come out of this black COVID-19 tunnel!

By the way, I’m equally disgusted looking at my wife’s three inches of black roots with the blond hair hanging down at the bottom. Can’t take her anywhere — although there’s nowhere to go! Yeah, I’m aware we’re getting real testy around this house. With all this time alone, you’d think there’s be more sex, but there’s less than when we were both working hard, before the pandemic.

So, I ask you: Are my New Year’s goals and resolutions just a waste of time this year?

—  Mr. Hefty, Osborne Village

Dear Mr. H: Forget your list of goals and look at 2021 this way. You’ll make it “training for victory in health” instead of eating and drinking yourself into royal trouble. By filling up on sugar and fattening foods you’re going backwards and creating hazards for major health problems. Never mind dieting for now! Just start eating a healthy diet of fresh foods and healthy protein, and walking in the fresh air.

As for your wife’s two-tone hair, when’s the last time you had a real haircut? Would you like to take stab at cutting your own hair? Not likely. Maybe your wife is afraid to attempt a bleach job of her dark roots to try to blend them into the blonde. She could end up with a multi-coloured mess and over-processed hair that breaks.

You could help her with her hair, using a colouring kit from the store. It’s easier with two people, and she can’t have girlfriends over during lockdown. Hot hint: You’ll both need a waterproof apron (even an extra-long black garbage bag will do) tied around your neck, as things can get messy.

Then it’s your lady’s turn to give you a hair trim! There are online instruction videos for it. If you’re too scared, get your lady to show you how to make a good-looking man’s ponytail. The end result of helping each other with self-improvement? Closer ties, more confidence in the buff, and an improved sex life. That adds back another sport to your life!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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