Double-team betrayal calls for single-minded resolve

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This article was published 06/01/2021 (2102 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had one of the most supportive friends. She was the very first person to come over and comfort me when I found out my husband was cheating on me.

I had found some expensive dinner receipts and a hotel receipt on our business credit card that my husband could not explain. What a complete fool I was! Did he not think I’d see these charges?

I was a mess — not able to function. My best girlfriend brought dinners over, held my hand and listened compassionately to my broken heart. She was so supportive! I thought I’d never be able to thank her enough for being there for me… until I found out through my sister the woman my husband was having the affair with was my so-called best friend!

I have so many emotions racing through my head every day, I feel like I’m going to lose my mind! I not only lost my husband. I lost one of my closest friends in the betrayal.

My life as I knew it was nothing but a lie. They both tried to make me think I was imagining things. My husband said, I was being “overly suspicious and paranoid.”

We have two teenage children, who are in absolute turmoil.

I never want to see my husband or my lying friend again. I’ve kicked him out of the house and contacted a lawyer.

But that put me on an emotional roller-coaster. My heart wants him and our family together one moment, then the next moment I can’t stand to hear his name. I’m thinking I may want him back to spite the other women. Help me clear my head, please. — Heartbroken Mess, St. Vital

Dear Heartbroken: Taking your cheating husband back to spite your snake-in-the grass friend might be the right power move — if you were involved in a computer game. But it would be a big mistake in real life.

You have been betrayed by two real life people you loved and trusted — who both turned out to be poisonous snakes, and were OK with double-teaming to trick you and devastate you.

Your only choice is to clear them both out of your life, or you will become totally run down both mentally and emotionally, living a shaky existence, questioning everything said to you. If you “repaired” things with him and the trouble appeared to quiet down, you’d always be wondering if he was once again sneaking off to her.

Be somewhat comforted by the fact that neither of them will ever totally trust each other, because they are both aware of how low-down and dishonest they can be.

So, get on the phone for help. You need a relationship counsellor all to yourself, where you can vent your pain and anguish.

Can’t afford the help you need? Ask your family for financial help, as they will be worried sick about you and the grandkids. Your teenagers will also need counselling help through this awful mess. Speak to their teachers about what they’re going through, so there’s some understanding of their behaviour and perhaps some help at that end.

Luckily, professionals like lawyers and relationship counsellors are working through the pandemic, and many are available by phone. Wishing the best help possible for you and your kids!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend is a naturally funny person and always sees the humour in everything. She lights up my life. At Christmas, I bought a beautiful diamond ring and was all set to propose to her Christmas Eve.

Then she said two weeks before Dec. 24 that she never wants to get formally married to anyone. Talk about a bucket of ice water over the head!

I still have the ring. What should I do? Should I tell her of its existence? Show it to her? Or should I just try to take it back or sell it privately? — Rejected Before Proposing, Selkirk

Dear Rejected: Are you willing to have her in your life — maybe even having kids — without a ring and marriage? Ask her what she wants with you, and be prepared for any answer.

This isn’t a romantic fact, but the truth is there’s more than one mate in this world for most people, and some better than others. If you want a traditional marriage with children, and your lady doesn’t, she may not be the right mate for you.

It’s interesting you didn’t mention a great love for her, or any words she might have said about feelings of love for you. You did mention how funny she was, but that’s the making of a great friendship, not necessarily a deep love that inspires marriage.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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