Trust sis, buff bluff on dating sites a bit much

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/03/2021 (2047 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have an embarrassing problem. I put some photos of myself online from 12 years ago, when I was lifting weights and in perfect shape. I’ve gotten tons of attention from women who think they’re my age but they’re actually 10, or more years younger.

They’d be shocked to see me now, especially, since my hair went prematurely grey about four years ago, after a health problem.

I’m fine now, and still good-looking (I think!), but I lost a lot of my musculature during recovery.

My sister, who’s 29, was appalled when I confessed to her recently what I’d done. Should I get off that dating website because I’ve told these lies with my photos? I’m in my mid 30s and the women I’ve been talking to are in their early 20s.

It might seem “kind of pervy” to them, my sister said. Is she right?

— Stretched the Truth, St. Vital

Dear Stretched: Yes, listen to sis. She knows what she’s talking about. This kind of dishonesty is a common trick when casually flirting online. It’d be creepy if you suddenly came clean with the people you’ve already talked and sent current photos out to them — and you were looking more like dad.

Take some time off before you consider getting on a different website for people around your age. Then, with a new attitude, tell the truth about yourself in words and photos — and see who you really attract. Warning: You might find some of your previous contacts spot you on the new website, as many people hunt on multiple dating sites to improve their chances.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a cute, quirky country woman online, who captivated me with her personality and tales of her farm life. I could hardly wait to meet her and the animals.

But, to my shock, when I asked if I could drive out the hour and a half to her farm with my two dogs, she said firmly she “couldn’t take the chance.” She shot me right down.

What chance? I work from home, and no longer see anybody in person. I got into weekly grocery deliveries months ago, and I go out running with my dogs. That’s it!

I have no real social life for now, except for her. Plus, I’m the healthiest guy she could ever want to meet. I explained all this on the phone last week and her answer was still basically, “No way.”

What happened to her great enthusiasm for me? It could be fall before we meet, at the rate she wants to go. Should I just let this budding relationship go? I was liking her so much!

— Feeling Disappointed, South Winnipeg

Dear Disappointed: No need to cut your farmer off totally! But it’s time to slow it down to a friendship, and stop investing so many chips in this woman who lives out of town.

Think ahead: Would you really want to give up your job to be with a person who loves her farming lifestyle? Would you really want to move your work from the city to try to work in the country? If those answers are a big no, then now is a good time to back off quite a bit. Blame it on COVID and your different lifestyles.

Meanwhile, you’re probably left wondering why she put out such a big effort to charm you. It’s likely because she’s lonely and the winter nights are long — and you were fun and seemed entertained and interested. It was fun flirting with you!

Here’s hoping you do meet her when you’re both vaccinated. Who knows, a new relationship could burst into flame, once it’s safe health-wise — or maybe you’ll just want to be friends because your lifestyles don’t mesh.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography