Likely best to tell girlfriend ‘no thanks’ to spanks

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/07/2021 (1866 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m 19 and my hot new girlfriend has learned a lot from sexy books. She’s acting like she’s 18 going on 30. I don’t like the way she thinks she can order me around! She annoys me on purpose and makes me fight back. And here’s the weird part: She gets all turned on when I’m telling her off and putting her in her place.

Last night she was extra sassy, and dared me to spank her. I told her I felt like it! But if things went bad between us, don’t you think she might accuse me of assaulting her?

She looked disappointed I wouldn’t play her kinky game, but I don’t trust her as she has a big mouth, though it is pretty tempting. I also suspect she might tell her wild girlfriends about this stuff.

—Tempted to Play, Wolseley

Dear Tempted: You’re wise not to get into that scene, though she’s trying her best to provoke you. You can’t really trust a manipulator who doesn’t get her way. This girlfriend may be hankering for a spanking but she might not like it when it happens — and striking someone, no matter how lightly, could possibly be misrepresented to someone who wasn’t there as an assault.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got into a fight with someone you’d loosely call a bouncer, at a place you might call a late-night restaurant.

I accused the waiter of shortchanging me — because he did — and he had the nerve to argue with me! Then I stood up to show the little jerk my size. That’s all I did! Like a shot, the bouncer came out of nowhere and hustled me out the door and shoved me down. What should I do?

— Shortchanged and Disrespected, Winnipeg

Dear Shortchanged: You’ll do nothing, if you’re smart. You accused the waiter of cheating you, and instead of discussing it in an even voice, you tried to intimidate him. You stood up, showing him your superior size, then you looked down at him to let him know how puny you thought he was. That’s a dare in macho circles, where guys sometimes settle things with their fists or worse.

As it was, this waiter must have signalled or the bouncer was watching as he showed up seconds later to kick you out.

Since you felt you’d been cheated, and couldn’t budge this waiter, you could have asked for the manager. If that wasn’t going to happen, you should have shrugged and left without leaving a tip.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve read some letters in your column about city women who have transplanted themselves to the country and the problems they’ve faced. Now I need your help on that issue!

I married a farmer who truly enjoys all aspects of farming. He whistles a lot, as he’s totally content with his life and his new wife. Everything is hunky dory in his world.

At first, I liked being with him on the farm — a real novelty — and I had a job I liked in the next town until COVID started.

I finally unloaded all my discontent on my husband, and had a full-on crying jag. He listened quietly, taking it in and just patting my back awkwardly. Now he’s stopped whistling, and it feels like the calm before a storm.

Today I told him my unhappiness has nothing to do with him, but he said, “It’s my lonely way of life that has taken your happiness away.” It sounded ominously like the end for him. He’s a man of action, not a big talker, and he might suggest I leave and go back to my city life, even if it breaks his heart.

I do love him, and I was OK on the farm — until I lost my job. Now I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to break up! He’s the love of my life, and my kids are grown and gone.

— Sad Transplant, Manitoba

Dear Transplant: You actually can successfully transplant a “city type” to the farm as long as they have a social world as well. Think about this: If you got a job — any job — in a neighbouring town, chances are you’d be excited and happy again. Your worried husband might even hazard a little whistle!

To save your married life, you really need to scour the area, and be willing to commute 30-45 minutes if necessary, and work at least three days a week. It doesn’t matter too much what the next job is, but it should not be doing books alone in a back room.

When COVID really settles down, consider joining a number of groups to build a feeling of community and warm new friendships, which you sorely need — as does your marriage.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography