Do some legwork before you start sleuthing

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/01/2022 (1705 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband was a decent guy for most of our marriage, until he had his mid-life crisis about five years ago. He acted foolishly with another woman a for three months, and lost the respect of both his kids and me, of course. Finally, he and I went for counselling and seemed to straighten things out and got back together.

I’m sad to say this, but something doesn’t feel right again. He seems to have no need for me physically — isn’t suffering at all for lack of sex. Half the time now, he sleeps in the spare bedroom.

He’s suspiciously pleasant. I even caught him whistling, which is a sure sign he’s happy. But the happiness isn’t tied to me. We are living like friends who have been through a war together, and I guess we have.

A woman just knows when something is off. Should I have him followed? I know a woman who would do it for me, and he doesn’t know her. Part of me wants to know, and the other part doesn’t, because if he is cheating again, that will be the end of our marriage and I have told him that. This is a highly-sexed and affectionate man who can’t live without either form of intimacy, and he’s just acting way too happy.

— Suspicious Mind, Winnipeg

Dear Suspicious: Choose your moment wisely for sending out a sleuth to get conclusive proof. You’ve already stated the marriage is over if he cheats again. The situation could blow up fast when you have evidence he has another woman.

Are you financially able to split up at this point? If not, you might want to hang in there, since you’re decently friendly and it’s tolerable — for now. This would be the time to talk to a divorce lawyer, and to look for work, if you don’t have a job right now.

When you have a plan for looking after yourself, that’s the time to send someone out to track your husband’s movements. Or you could just ask him! He might own up to it if he’s crazy about a new woman and looking to leave anyway.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got a call from this girl’s dad telling me: “Leave my daughter alone, or else!” Believe me, I’ve never touched this girl, but she’s a hot little thing. She’s looking for action, and drinking way too much. I’m on the fringe of the little group she hangs around with.

I recently gave her a ride home at 2 a.m. when she was drunk, again. I watched as she staggered to the door and fumbled with the keys. Her father opened it and looked out, then roared at me. I guess he thought I was her newest guy. I’m not, but she looks to me for protection. What should I do now?

— Worried About Her, North Kildonan

Dear Worried: If you still want to get her home safely, you have a few alternatives. You could call her a cab and press some money into her hand or line her up with a ride from a sober girlfriend. You could also talk to her as a friend about why she’s drinking so much.

You are a good guy to be protective, but also protect yourself! Don’t pull up to this father’s door again. If you drive his daughter home, stop a few houses away and watch her walk the rest of the way safely.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography