Anger will fade and you’ll appreciate apology

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/03/2022 (1323 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got a strange call from my ex-wife. She said she’d been seeing a therapist and needed to apologize for running out on me. She said it was “all her fault” the marriage fell apart. Not that she’s coming back, you understand. She was still feeling guilty, and this was just part of her ridiculous therapy.

I told her what she could do with her therapist’s stupid idea, and it had to do with “where the sun don’t shine.”

It took me years to get over being jilted in pretty quick fashion by the beautiful young woman I loved so much, and the last thing I needed was to hear from her again.

My best buddy doesn’t agree. He says it’s good to hear someone’s sorry, even if it’s too late. He says it “kind of takes the edge off.” I think he’s nuts. I want to know what you think.

— Old Wound, rural Manitoba

Dear Old Wound: There’s nothing quite as painful and humiliating as being jilted soon after a wedding, especially in a rural area where everybody knows you. No wonder you preferred to leave that old memory buried.

Your buddy thinks getting that apology beats thinking it didn’t bother her all these years. Problem is, now it’s bothering you again. But, given enough time, you may think back on that phone call and realize you don’t feel so much bitterness anymore.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The other day a nephew of mine came running to my door and pounded on it. We live in a difficult neighbourhood, so I had to let him in. I saw through the window he wore no mask. I grabbed a double mask for myself, and him. He said, “Auntie, you don’t need to give me a mask now. Those days are over.”

I had to tell him, “Yes, I do — to protect you. I was exposed a few days ago.“ He backed up and mumbled something, and ran off. How could I have handled that differently?

— Awkward Situation, North End

Dear Awkward: If your nephew had known, he wouldn’t have dropped in. It’s best to tell family and friends who might drop by. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but some people still feel it is. So, tell close friends and family you see regularly that you’ll call when you have the “all clear” and can safely see people again. P.S.: You have the right to tell visitors you’re still masking and hand them a new one to put on, outside the door.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just found out I’m not pregnant, and I thought my boyfriend would be happy to hear that. I hadn’t actually told him there was a scare. I kindly spared him the worry. So, how does he repay me? He’s questioning if we should be together anymore, since I wasn’t careful enough.

I’m so upset! He’s never thought about protecting me; I had to provide the best birth control I could afford. So now it’s all my fault that we had a scare?

— Feeling Hurt and Upset, Norwood

Dear Hurt and Upset: This guy has done you a favour. He has just shown you his true feelings, or lack of them. He wants to have sex with you, but doesn’t care enough to want spend any money or energy to protect you. Why waste any more time on him?

You can’t ask or tell anybody to care more for you. In some cases, it just isn’t a natural match and they aren’t feeling it. In other cases, that person just has less to give — perhaps they were not well-loved as a child growing up.

So, you might say you’ve had your warning from the universe. You must remove yourself from this careless boyfriend, and go slowly next time. When a promising new man comes along, see how much you both care before you get sexually intimate. For too many people, the first proving ground for new love is in the bedroom. People often mistake deep sexual passion for deep emotional feelings.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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