A little privacy helps with home harmony

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This article was published 30/03/2022 (1590 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a woman who just made the big move to a rented home with my female partner — and we’re already at odds! Yesterday she backed up a moving truck with all her fancy gardening and woodworking stuff, and took over the half the heated garage that used to be a little shop for the owners.

She quickly turned it into her private workshop, no apologies! She actually had the nerve to hang an artsy wooden sign with her name burned into it above the garage side-door.

So, today I moved all my office equipment — with new and old computer equipment — into the office area in the house. Then I brought in all my art materials and made a cardboard paper sign with my name on it, and tacked it on the spare bedroom door. That’s my new office — no room for her.

She came in and said, “Where the heck am I supposed to put my computer with your stuff all over the place?“ and I said, “In the workshop, with your name over the door.”

The big disappointment is I assumed we’d share everything — office space, garage space, as well as the rest of the house — more like a married couple than we’ve ever been. She said: “Huh! With that much togetherness, I definitely need some private space or I’ll suffocate!”

I just want to know why she wanted to move in with me so darn badly. We’re only two weeks into this living-together thing, and already she’s drawing lines in the sand. What kind of love is this? I felt closer to her when we were discussing the idea of living together, not living it.

— Painful Reality, Wolseley

Dear Painful: When two people are closely entwined, one or both may need some separate space of their own with a door — so they know they can go in there, relax and breathe. It’s not an insult or a rejection of their partner. If they’ve lived alone recently and gotten used to having lots of privacy, they still need some. It’s a mistake to demand partners share more than they can bear.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A married buddy of mine asked if he could borrow one of my two vehicles for an overnight. I didn’t question it, just said yes. (I was his best man, for God’s sake, and we’re like brothers.) I got the car back the next day at noon, but used my truck for a few days.

When I finally did get in the car, it was bright morning light, and there was a pack of cigarettes part-way poking out from under the passenger seat. There was only half a cigarette left in the pack, with lipstick on it. My friend’s wife doesn’t smoke and wouldn’t wear red lipstick unless it was Halloween.

I phoned him up and said, “What’s up? I found some lipstick evidence, and I hate knowing this. I also resent giving you my car. Your wife is a close friend of mine, too!”

He mumbled something that sounded like, “Sorry, man.” No point trying to deny the obvious and lie to me. I guess. Now what? Should I tell my wife or not?

— Feeling Sick About It, Westwood

Dear Feeling Sick: Your buddy involved you and your car in his cheating scheme, so you don’t need to carry his secret. It’s perfectly OK to share the problem with your wife.

Tell him he needs to straighten his life out, and refuse to be an accessory to his cheating. He may argue that it’s “just a guy thing,” but you don’t have to agree with that malarkey.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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