Light-fingered confession weighs heavy

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This article was published 29/03/2022 (1589 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a friend who grew up poor, and has a chip on her shoulder. We were drinking a bottle of wine a couple weeks ago, and she admitted she used to steal little stuff from rich friends’ houses when she was playing there.

She said she stole things so small they wouldn’t even notice, like tiny toys, a small earring or a quarter from a dish. I could tell by her little smirk she really enjoyed pulling it off. Then she left my house and went home.

The next day I woke up wondering if she stole anything from me! The thought bothered me so much that the next time we got together, it just slipped out of me. I asked her if she ever stole anything from adult friends, just to see if she could get away with it.

She looked straight at me and said, “You think I may have stolen something from you, don’t you? I told you a secret from my childhood and you don’t trust me now. No, I never stole anything from you!” She stormed out of my house. I still feel terrible.

Yes, I protested I trusted her, but she’s right. I don’t trust her completely now. I’d like to have been able to say, “I’m your friend, and I never thought that for a minute.” But, I did think that. She won’t take calls from me, and I feel so upset. I failed her important test, didn’t I?

— Her Doubting Friend, River Heights

Dear Doubting: It’s hard to know if you failed her test. It’s this person’s word that she’s never stolen from you, but it’s hard not to doubt her word. It’s interesting the thefts were always so small that people wouldn’t notice them, and it wouldn’t hurt them either. But, you also noted those memories made her smirk.

She might have felt you were a grown friend she could confess to, talk it over and forget about the sins of her childhood. But there’s also the chance she was playing a little mind game with you, too. That’s what keeps you pondering.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My live-in girlfriend of one year has blown the welcome doors wide open on my house, now that COVID safety measures are dropping. I saw today on her big kitchen calendar she has planned two dinner parties here, not to mention a May long weekend bash she’s calling “Summer Blast-off” and has even found a few possible DJs.

“What are you doing?” I said, stabbing the calendar with my finger. “Making up for lost time!” she shot back.

I admit she respected my wishes for a closed house during COVID, and I was glad — very reasonable for an outgoing girl. But now she’s inviting all kinds of friends I don’t know and her country family, who are nice enough but are big beer drinkers and dancers. I’m a quiet guy.

I have fallen in love with her, but I didn’t know I signed up for being the host of a party house. What can I do? Why didn’t she ask me if I was on board for all this?

— Not Even Consulted, South End

Dear Not Even Consulted: To this woman, family, friends and big parties are normal life. She’s a born social convener, and is no doubt hoping to bring you out of your shell.

So what are your options? If you step in and try to cancel all her social events, you could lose this lively woman. Since you admit you’re in love already, that’s going to be painful for you.

You two need to find a middle ground — like smaller parties with live music — and have discussions before planning events at the home you share. If you can’t agree to even that much fun, let that fun lady go free.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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