You drafted girlfriend in, so be a good sport

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/05/2022 (1554 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend is brilliant, and into more intellectual endeavours than I am. Like a lot of guys, I’ve always been a big sports nut. Over the course of the lockdown, I asked her to move in. I took the opportunity to give her the crash course on the sports I’m most interested in — hockey, football and baseball.

At first, it was great! I got to be the one teaching her for once, and I got to re-watch some classic seasons with her. But now, she’s even more into sports than I am. She enjoys statistics and history, and even corrects me about facts in front of my sports buddies. And now she says she’s going to come to baseball games with us!

I’ve lost that little haven of “me time” with my gang.

I know a sporty woman is supposed to be every man’s dream. Instead, it feels like I’ve been one-upped and lost the one area where I was the expert and she was not.

I still need self-esteem, confidence and personal space. It feels like I have lost all of those things as a result of her dummying me in what used to be my realm.

— Deflated, Meadows West

Dear Deflated: So much for over-sharing — a temptation when you’re enthused about something. Now you know the limits of what you want to share with your partner, but you really can’t back off sharing those first sports, as that would be hurtful.

What you can do is add new interests you don’t share with your lady. New adventures this summer could include a few of these — sailing, windsurfing, water-skiing, fishing, ultra-gliding and parachuting. And if you have to keep things indoors, how about darts, billiards, bowling or even board games.

There will be a temptation to rave about a new interest you take up with the guys. Stop yourself! Just enjoy being with your old buddies some of the time, and with your lady other times. Don’t make a big deal out of discussing boundaries, if you don’t have to. That discussion could blow up in a very hurtful way.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I recently met a man and I’m torn. On paper, he’s everything I want. He’s clever, caring, friendly and fun, but he’s got a fatal flaw. I don’t know if I can see past it.

This man is a professional who works upper management, but something he didn’t tell me about was how he spends his leisure time when he’s not out with me.

Then I finally went back to his house and it all made sense. All the art on his wall is from Japanese cartoons. He has hats that look like the top of anime animals’ heads, and he is completely unashamed about it. He is way too into anime!

Miss L., he is a grown man! I know anime is what’s cool with the kids these days, but we are both in our 40s and this was never cool for our generation. Growing up, we relentlessly made fun of the nerds who were into this stuff.

I don’t know how I could bring myself to accept it. What to do?

— Strange Hiccup with New Man, River Heights

Dear Hiccup: You have seen the red light here. Don’t try to ignore it. If you had three guys you were considering, he definitely wouldn’t make the cut, would he?

Finding the right man — not just any man who has a good job and an agreeable personality — should be your romantic quest. Settling for the wrong man at any age, is far worse than being free and single — and possibly lonely sometimes.

As the pandemic passes, everyone will become more social again, and you won’t feel so anxious about finding a person to love. This new guy might be a man you could be friends with, but he isn’t a total match for you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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