Easing workplace tension starts with an apology

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This article was published 05/06/2022 (1531 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just started working for a new company in a building with a big bank of elevators. I was shocked to see a familiar face get on the elevator with me. (Gulp!) It was an old girlfriend I wasn’t very nice to when I ended things with her. In fact, I was a real jerk.

She said, “Fancy meeting you here!” in an icy tone.

I said, “Well, it so happens I work in this building now.”

Then she said, “Too bad. I work here, too.” Awkward silence! We didn’t speak the rest of the way up.

I ran into her again in the elevator today, and God help me. She had a look on her face like she was smelling garbage. I refuse to take the stairs to avoid her. I need some help with this.

— Uneasy at Work, Downtown

Dear Uneasy: Since you were mean to this ex-girlfriend, simply speak six words when you happen to catch her alone one day: “Sorry for how I treated you.” Apologies sometimes take a while to get through “ice,” so don’t be surprised if she doesn’t respond right away. Still, start saying hello when you run into her and comment on the weather. Be pleasant and brief, but boring. You’re not flirting with her — you’re just a work neighbour, who wants peace on the elevator.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just ran into an old “love.” We were “steadies” decades ago. We are now in our 50s.

I knew nothing much about her life since we broke up, but she knew a suspicious number of details about me! I asked her how she was up to date on my news. She laughed and confessed she has a spy — a mutual friend — who keeps her informed on my life. That made me mad! I wanted to find out who it was, so I started bugging her.

She said, “Just forget it!” But then, just before we parted, she invited me to join her on her Facebook. Why would I do that?

— Feeling Spied On, south Winnipeg

Dear Feeling: Rather than becoming her Facebook friend, try to suss out the names of her friends and figure out which mutual pals might be informing on you. Or, it may simply be that she herself keeps track of you, and is trying to blame it on a friend.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Every morning, my partner is super grumpy and it’s so hard to deal with. Ever since we started working from our home office it’s gotten so much harder. When she wakes up, for about the first hour she snaps at me or provokes a petty fight — if we interact at all.

She often says, “Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee!” I also drink coffee to wake up, so I don’t think it’s fair to hide behind that nonsense. I’m a guy who doesn’t like having to walk on eggshells in my own home. Help!

— Morning Glare, Westwood

Dear Glare: People who are crabby in the morning are often reacting poorly to the dead silence and cold in the house or apartment upon rising. Quiet music, left on in the main living space away from the bedroom, is soothing and can bring up the mood, as does turning the lower nighttime temperature back up.

If you can avoid getting up at the same time as your partner, start doing that, and also get a pleasant solo routine going for yourself. For instance, spring is beautiful for a morning walk or run before work.

Speaking of your job, you might consider going back in to work at your company where there are pleasant faces, instead of using the home office.

Lots of couples have had way too much togetherness in the last few years. They have absolutely no news to tell each other at the end of a workday, and their number of friends has shrunk. Rediscovering a network of friends with common goals and interests would improve your happiness quotient quickly.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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