Steer clear of nasty ex’s premarital mess

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This article was published 07/09/2022 (1459 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex is getting married soon. I don’t care about that, but he’s been calling me the last two days, and I’ve been ignoring him. Finally, he left me a voicemail, saying he was about to make the biggest mistake of his life, and only I could stop it — by taking him back. Miss L., he’s a nasty liar and a sore loser, and I want nothing more to do with him in this lifetime!

Here’s my problem: Do I tell his wife-to-be? I doubt she’d even believe me, as who knows how many lies he’s told her about me! I feel like I at least owe her an anonymous note. What do you think?

— Creeped Out, North End

Dear Creeped Out: Anonymous letters are also a creepy business. Plus, your ex would only call you a liar, and say you’re sick and jealous, if you were up-front about it. His wife-to-be will have to find out on her own that he doesn’t want to be in a marriage with her. Or, who knows, maybe he will want her more if you don’t react, and he knows he’ll never be getting you back!

Make sure you tell some friends and family close to you what he’s said, so you’re not carrying this secret. Also, cut off all his avenues of communication to you. You might also have a lawyer write a letter to him, telling him to stop contacting you, immediately.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I used to be an adult dancer, and am now in what I considered a happy relationship — until recently. My boyfriend recently moved in with me, and we had our first big fight not long after. He told me he hated the fact I used to be a dancer, and said he’s considered leaving me, because he’s tired of defending me to his family.

Recently, we had another fight about it. I’m starting to wonder if this is something he will ever be able to get over. He seems to think I used to be a woman without any morals. He’s taking a holier-than-thou stance and it seems I can’t really confront him about anything, because I used to dance? How ridiculous.

This feels like such a stupid thing to be fighting about now. It is a part of my ancient past, but not my present or future. Are we doomed?

— Former Dancer, Winnipeg

Dear Dancer: You need a different partner — a man who isn’t so narrow-minded and affected by what his family thinks.

How is it they got to know that intimate information about your past? He likely told them — unless they were at your club and saw you dancing. If you chose to discuss the issue with his family, that’d be one thing. But, if he ran it past them for their consideration — not fine!

Surely, you can find someone with a more liberal mindset. Staying within this judgmental family could bring you down. Don’t let that happen.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a big, beautiful girl. I met my present guy online as we have so many matched interests, but he seems to only want to spend time at my place or his. When I suggest we go out, he suggests a different activity at home, or at a late movie at a theatre when there’s hardly anybody there.

We were out recently, and stopped for drinks and snacks at a grocery store. He ran into a friend, and awkwardly blocked me with his back, so as not to introduce me. I felt something warm, like shame, growing in my face, as I wondered if he didn’t want to appear like he was with me. What can I do now?

— Big, Beautiful Girl, Transcona

Dear Big Girl: Drive over to your guy’s place, and tell him you aren’t enjoying being kept away from his friends. Then mention the store incident. He’s not likely going to volunteer the reason for it, so you must say, “Is it because of my size?” His face will tell the tale. You could be wrong about this, so you need to ask. If you don’t like his answer, you just jump in your getaway car, and go. You need a man who feels lucky and proud to be with you!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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