Lack of trust no laughing matter in relationship
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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I warned my girlfriend for the last time, that I will actually leave her if she steals any more of my money. She has her own job and doesn’t ask me for money, which I’d gladly give her. She just sneaks it out of my pants’ pockets, and laughs if I catch her.
She says, “How can I be ‘stealing’ it when I live with you, and you are my boyfriend? Ha ha ha!”
She says her brothers and sisters always stole change from their parents when they were young. The folks laughed about the sneaky ways the kids figured out to get the money — like it was cute or something.
Please help me! I love this little idiot and she loves me, but in my life, stealing is stealing. I would never steal from her.
— Honest Man, St. James
Dear Honest: Teach your live-in about the link between trust and honesty — foreign concepts to her, but important to you. She certainly knows you think she’s doing something wrong, but she doesn’t feel it herself.
Explain it to her in detail — about how you want to respect her in all ways, and feel you are both adults and on the same team. Tell her you never want to feel like her substitute parent, and have her playing games behind your back.
That may get through to her — or it may not. If it doesn’t, you probably won’t want her as a lifelong partner, as you’ll be dealing with much more than chump change in a lifetime together. It won’t be cute or funny, if you can’t trust her.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new neighbour’s flirtatious husband unfortunately started working from home a couple months ago. This guy wants to be part of the friendship circle in our cul-de-sac. It was formed 20 years ago, when we women all had little children at home, and some of us had little part-time businesses.
We’re close! We still meet once a week for lunch and wine at someone’s house, and sometimes we have a pool party at my place in the summer.
It seems Mr. Macho has been complaining to his wife — who is such a shy, sweet lady. She saw me in the yard yesterday and hinted that her husband wishes he had more friends, now that he’s working from home, and she goes off to work every morning.
In her next breath, she mentioned our little friendship circle. I got the hint, but didn’t take it. We don’t want her husband in our group, no matter how much he wants our company. How do we tell her that?
— No Way, Mister! Tuxedo
Dear No Way: In your next conversation with “Flirty Man’s” wife, mention the group is a “women-only circle” and invite her to join it! Getting friendly with his sweet wife could be enjoyable for everyone in the group, and it’ll certainly discourage her husband’s annoying flirting behaviour. Unless, nothing can!
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t want another woman in my life and I think I’m ready to explore the other side of my sexuality. I have kept it hidden, except for when I go on trips to exotic places, by myself.
My last girlfriend was very nice and our sex life was OK, but in the end, it was a big yawn for both of us. The problem is I’m at the point where I’d like a man in my life, but almost everybody in my life thinks I’m straight. My last girlfriend knows the truth and she’s encouraging me to come out of the closet.
My old-fashioned religious family are just going to freak. Should I wait until I have someone seriously in my life, and there’s actually something to freak about, or come out now? I really feel imprisoned somehow, like I’m in a chrysalis of some kind.
— Butterflies are Free, Aren’t They? Winnipeg
Dear Free: You’re living a lie, and at this point you need to be out and free. It’s time! Your authentic self wants to come out in daily life, and not just emerge for a few weeks when you’re somewhere across the world.
There might be some people in your family, who already have a suspicion about your sexuality, and are just waiting for you to say something first. Go slowly, and open up to the most likely people to be accepting, whether close friends or more open-minded members of your family. You may also want to check out the Rainbow Resource Centre at 170 Scott St. in Osborne Village (204-474-0212 or rainbowresource.com).
Please send your questions and comments to email@example.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.