Whoa, daddy! Don’t disparage parental pet names

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/09/2022 (1488 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: You said in your reply to Scaredy-Cat Daughter, (whose widowed father acts like he’s the man of her house, much to her husband’s chagrin) that “It’s time to stop calling your father ‘daddy’ as that’s what a young child calls their father.”

Not necessarily so!

When our daughters were 10 and 12 (in grades 5 and 7) we moved to Europe. Just before leaving Manitoba, our eldest announced that she would no longer be calling us “mummy and daddy” and that we would now be called “mom and dad.” Sigh. Then we arrived in Europe and lo and behold, all the kids at the school including the older ones in the senior school (like Grade 12 here) referred to their parents as “mummy and daddy.”

Our eldest daughter quickly reverted back to these terms of endearment (which we as parents, loved) and now in their 30s our daughters still use these monikers for us.

It’s a very British tradition and in our family, it’s very beloved. I also refer to my parents as mummy and daddy, even though they have long departed this world.

I just wanted to share this different perspective with you.

— 65-year-old Daughter of Daddy, Osborne Village

Dear Daughter: It’s definitely different in Europe. In Canada, girls past junior high don’t usually call their fathers “daddy” anymore, signalling a more grown-up relationship is taking place. In the letter from Scaredy-Cat, the woman was not feeling equal to her visiting “daddy” or her annoyed husband. She was irritated.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My 101-year-old mother referred to her father as “daddy” up until the day she died. Likewise my 90-year-old aunt. Why would you put down Scaredy-Cat for calling her father by this term of endearment?

You should have instead berated her for allowing her husband to interfere with the father-daughter relationship. She needed to stand up to her husband while maybe asking her father to dial it back a bit as well.

— Bill C., Winnipeg

Dear Bill C.: In that letter, the upset wife deferred to “daddy” while letting him belittle her husband.

Instead of supporting her husband, her widower “daddy,” who came for a week and stayed a whole month, was allowed to act like he was the head of his daughter’s household. In this case, daddy’s girl was not acting like an adult, and the childlike name for her father reflected that.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My creepy next-door neighbour has been spying on me. We have a swimming pool and they have a big house next door. Standing up on the diving board in my bikini today, I looked up for a few seconds, before plunging. Who do I see staring at me from his second-floor bedroom window? My creepy young neighbour!

He’s always finding excuses to come over when I’m in the pool and ringing our doorbell. I no longer answer when I think it’s him. I’m 18, and he’s 14. Should I get my parents to speak to his parents?

— So Fed Up With Loser, Winnipeg

Dear Fed Up: Why humiliate him? The kid has a crush. He was just looking down from his window; you didn’t mention he was doing anything strange — just watching you dive. You can afford to be kind; pool season is almost over for this year. Will you even be living at home when pool season comes around again next summer?

A lot can happen in one year. This young guy will probably have has own girlfriend by then. In fact, he’s back in school this month with hallways full of teenage girls, actually looking at guys his age with interest.

Having tried and failed to get the attention of the “older woman” next door, he’s bound to notice his chances are much better at school. He probably won’t give you a second look next summer — best thing for both of you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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