Lukewarm relationship not likely to heat up

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This article was published 27/09/2022 (1430 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I feel like my relationship is moving too slowly. It’s been six months and I still only see my boyfriend about once a week on a “Saturday date night,” as my mom calls it. I still live at home.

I feel like I’m not a priority. Whenever I bring the issue up, he tells me not to worry. That’s all I do — worry. I just keep wondering when things will feel like they are progressing. It feels like six months of the first month of seeing someone. How do I get him to give me a straight answer?

— Slow Motion, Downtown

Dear Slow Motion: Don’t waste any more time in this lukewarm relationship. Your boyfriend has already “voted” against anything more serious with his weekly time investment of only one night in seven. You say he won’t give you a straight answer? Ignoring you most of the time is his answer.

It’s time to say goodbye so you can go out with different friends, attend events that interest you and meet a guy you’d really like. Then, screw up your courage and ask him to do something fun with you. You might enjoy taking control in your social life for a change.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My widowed father is in his early 80s, and has lost a lot of weight. His pants are hanging from his belt, like on a clothesline! He cinches his belt way in to keep them from falling down. I’ve started noticing how many other older men are wearing pants that are several sizes too big for them. It makes them look like skeletons. Why are they doing this?

Should I tell Dad he desperately needs new clothes that fit? I don’t want to hurt or offend him.

— Daughter of Newly Thin Man, East Kildonan

Dear Daughter: Your dad wore a certain belt, pant and shirt size for years, before he lost all that weight. He may not even really shop for himself now, and just tells people the sizes he still thinks he needs. To be sensitive about this, first tell him you want to buy him a gift, and bring a tailor’s tape measure for his waist and chest.

People do love new clothes that make them look good. But, sometimes when they get older, they need a little assistance as long as it doesn’t sound critical. If your dad hates going out shopping, take clothes to his place, and then you can go back for exchanges, if need be.

Try to find clothes your dad would really enjoy, not just because they’re the right size. Don’t guess at styles for him. Look at magazines and online together, to find out what he’d enjoy wearing, and what he dislikes. This could be a bonding experience for you two, or a thorny experience — depending on how diplomatically it’s handled. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into an old girlfriend back in July at The Forks and now I’m thinking about her a lot, again. She’s married, but she said she “wasn’t all that married.” Was that supposed to mean she cheats?

I felt a kind of a disrespect for her, but now my marriage is not going so well and there’s been no sex at all for two months.

I feel like calling my old girlfriend up, and I know exactly where she works. Do I owe it to my wife to tell her I’m on the brink of looking elsewhere for sex? I’m thinking maybe that would smarten her up.

— Hurt and Angry Husband, St. Norbert

Dear Hurt and Angry: Whoa! Your wife may take it as a dare, or an outright declaration of war. You’d be smarter to suggest a relationship counsellor, and hope she’ll go with you.

Remember, you and this old girlfriend didn’t feel enough to stay together, but you probably felt you loved the woman you married. At least try to fix your relationship before you throw it away!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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