Pocket-dial pillow talk a harsh wake-up call

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This article was published 29/09/2022 (1456 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend and I were together for eight months before she had to move to another province for work. I, being the naive guy I am, told her I’d be OK with continuing in a long-distance relationship. That was three months ago.

The other night I got a pocket-dial from her phone, and I could actually hear her saying some stuff she likes to say just before sex, once she’s really turned on. I feel like such an idiot! I was true to her and good about doing the long-distance thing, and what’s my reward? I get to hear her about to have sex with someone else. Why are people like this?

— Long Distance Moron, Weston

Dear Long Distance Moron: Thank the universe for that accidental pocket dial. You need to start looking at return investments, my friend. You don’t get much in terms of companionship or affection in a long-distance relationship, unless there’s a plan to move together in the near future. This woman was just looking for a stop-gap relationship, until she latched onto somebody in the flesh.

Instead of kicking yourself, be happy you caught her, and can dump her now. Then you can put all your energy into finding somebody here, who is exciting company and more than happy to be in the warmth of your arms.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I asked a woman I was attracted to out for a real date — dinner and the works at a fancy restaurant. On the way to our dinner, she asked me to stop by her place for a minute for something she forgot.

She asked me up, to see her place. Then she really pushed for sex on the sofa — and it happened. Afterwards, she made us a couple hot dogs. I ate them, but I was still hungry. So much for our fancy dinner.

I was really disappointed.

I’m considered a good-looking guy and not hard up for sex. She’s phoned a few times to ask me over to her place again. I didn’t feel like going. Am I being a hard-to-get jerk? I didn’t tell any of my friends about this.

— Don’t Understand Myself, Downtown

Dear Don’t Understand: Getting ready to treat somebody to a big, fancy dinner — especially on a first date — is a special feeling. However, this woman just wanted your body. She got what she wanted, knowing guys often don’t feel they can say no. Then she offered you hot dogs.

If a guy did this to a woman, she wouldn’t feel she had to keep it a secret. She’d walked out the door, call a cab, zip home and call sympathetic friends about her jerk date. You didn’t tell your buddies because you may have thought they’d ask, “What’s your problem? You got some action!”

Clearly, you’re a guy with class, imagination and some sensitivity. You deserve better. Don’t make the mistake of thinking all women are like this. Just spend a little time over coffees getting to know a woman before you go all out on another fancy dinner date.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend is in his 40s, and still has some of the gifts his ex gave him. His mouse and keyboard are high-end gifts she gave him that he uses every day, which I guess is OK. He also has some personal things like an antique sailor’s locket with a curl of her black hair in it. Then there’s the freaking photo album of them both on holidays in Mexico!

I told him I don’t love this at all. He just said: “Men, like women, keep these things to remember a part of their lives.” I told him I was disappointed he felt that way, and went home. Am I wrong to feel badly? Is this just a thing men do?

— Jealous Girlfriend, West Kildonan

Dear Jealous: Some people are sentimental and keep all kinds of mementos from their previous loves. That doesn’t mean they take the objects and photos out and gaze at them regularly.

Your boyfriend is heavy-handed with mementos. He didn’t need to tell you who bought him his fancy computer set-up. Also, how did you get your mitts on that locket? Was it out on display, or did you go on a fishing expedition in his drawers? Unless you invaded his privacy, the question is whether he cares enough to protect your feelings or is out to provoke jealousy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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