Anti-marriage philosophy a little too persuasive

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This article was published 05/02/2023 (1316 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have been living with this wonderful man for several years. When I met him, I’d just gotten out of a rotten marriage, and I wanted nothing to do with rings and weddings. Well, surprise, surprise! My live-in has turned out to be the man of my dreams and, although I said I’d had enough of marriage after my first husband, I don’t feel that way now.

The trouble is, he says he likes being unmarried now that I have sold him on it! Now, how do I un-sell him on “just living together” when he also got out of his unhappy marriage not that long ago? I think this is a lifetime romance between us. How do I tell him I’ve changed horses in the middle of the stream? Valentine’s Day is coming up, and I realize I’d like nothing better than a ring from him, but how do I spring that when he just got his divorce recently?

Should I just shut my pretty mouth and be happy about a bouquet of roses? He’s good at sending me flowers and romantic cards, but I’ve fallen deeply in love, and suddenly I’m wanting the forever words and promises.

— A Little Embarrassed, Weston

Dear Embarrassed: It’s a little early to spring the marriage idea, but it’s not too early to say “I never thought I’d feel this way, but I’m happily in love!” In a few months you could say, “I’m thinking this love I’m feeling could be the forever kind…” The trick? Don’t demand the same response back! That’s the kind of thing you can say just as you’re leaving a room, or going out the door. That way no response is expected from him — or even possible.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Your reader who faces a dilemma regarding guitar lessons — to learn from her musician father or from an outside music teacher — might consider attending the free guitar lessons provided at West End Cultural Centre (WECC). Two excellent teachers are usually on hand every Tuesday and Thursday, from 4 to 6 p.m. It’s a community outreach service provided by the WECC.

My granddaughter expressed an interest in taking up the bass and we learned from a former member of the WECC board that free lessons are available. They also provide the guitar and amplifiers to learn on. She’s been attending the classes since November, and is making great progress.

— A Real Opportunity, Winnipeg

Dear Opportunity: Thanks for sharing this tip. It’s often best if kids take lessons from someone other than a parent, as family members can get pretty fed up with each other. Also, some busy parents don’t have enough time to conduct regular lessons every week, and enthusiastic kids feel uncomfortable pushing for more time.

The West End Cultural Centre program called Tune-In Youth offers free lessons in guitar, bass, drums, voice and keyboards, for students from nine to 18. Instruments are provided free by a grant from Music Counts. The WECC is located centrally at 586 Ellice Ave. For info, phone 204-783-6918 or visit wecc.ca/tuneinyouthmusiclessons.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: What is the matter with the father in the letter from his wife about his 40-year-old friend privately messaging his 18-year-old daughter? Why is this dad not doing anything about it? Too big a strip cannot be torn off this sub-par father!

The girl’s mom needs to have a go at her husband immediately, right after having a go at his 40-year-old loser friend! If this loser stops bothering their teenage daughter, whose daughter will he turn to then?

— Needs to be Stopped, Manitoba

Dear Needs to be Stopped: The girl’s father is suspiciously unconcerned. One wonders what he may be into himself, that makes him so lax. Why is he so quick to turn a blind eye on the 40-year-old “friend” who’s going after his daughter? Why does he have to stay in this guy’s good books? Are they both chasing after other women? Most fathers would not want their buddies privately “interacting” with their daughters, whether they’re 18 or 28!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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