Double-dating subterfuge no basis for romantic bond

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This article was published 11/02/2023 (1334 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in a strange position this Valentine’s Day. I know I’m not in love with my girlfriend, but I haven’t had the heart to tell her. The truth is I’m “in lust” with my best friend’s girlfriend. We often double-date, as we all like bars, live music and movies.

Recently, the four of us went to a movie together, and my buddy’s girl and I were seated side-by-side in the middle. I could smell her perfume and feel her vibrations, and hear her laughing throughout the movie. That turned me on.

Then we went out for some drinks and she sat herself down right beside me again. She kept grabbing my arm when she made a point, and finally she “rested” her hand on my thigh under the table for a while. Finally, I moved it off. My girlfriend said later, “She wants you, doesn’t she?” I stupidly said, “Why, what did you see?” Then I was really scrambling, because she hadn’t seen anything — only felt some vibes, I guess.

I don’t want to lose my girlfriend, and have nobody. I also really don’t want to lose my best buddy over a woman who isn’t true to him, but I can’t stop thinking about her. I can’t get to sleep until 3 a.m. or worse. My brain tells me I could never trust her, but my body really wants her, and I know she feels the same. Now what?

— Losing Sleep, St. James

Dear Losing Sleep: You may be feeling uncomfortably hot for your best friend’s girl, but that needs to end, even if you have to distance yourself from the double-dating. This girl you’re lusting after may be angry enough about you avoiding her to decide to tell your buddy you were trying to play games with her under the table. If he believes her, your friendship is finished.

As for your own girlfriend, you need to let her go, as she doesn’t deserve what’s going on. The solution for you is to find a new girlfriend, where there’s a powerful mutual attraction in all ways, including sexually, but also trust and respect. A tall order? Yes, but when you know exactly what you want, it will happen faster.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Valentine’s Day is coming fast, and I’ve been putting together a surprise for my wife that I know she really wants — a puppy. Our dear old dog died this fall. But then last night she gave me a speech about Valentine’s Day being “a commercial holiday, and we shouldn’t buy into it again!” My face fell because I’m already totally invested.

I knew what kind of puppy she’s been wanting and I’ve already bought the little guy — just have to pick him up! I know my wife. She’ll feel guilty and awkward about not getting anything for me. I want it to be a beautiful night we’ll both remember forever. What can I do?

— Gift Anxiety, Winnipeg outskirts

Dear Gift Anxiety: The puppy is going to be a gift to both of you, so tell your wife something wonderful is coming on Valentine’s Day for both of you, and then continue setting the wheels in motion. For instance, hide the puppy bed, food and toys out of sight in the house, so they’re not freezing cold once the pup arrives.

Your wife will be surprised when this gift for both of you arrives with one Valentine’s card, signed by the puppy! (Make a little note on it, and draw paw-prints for his signature.) Then you two can get to work on making him warm and comfortable in his new home. Now, that’s a project of real love.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Last year I took my wife out for dinner on Valentine’s Day, and frankly it was a big yawn. We ate dinner, talked about the day we’d both had and left for home. There we had lacklustre sex because we were both tired and had killed a bottle of wine over dinner. We just did the sex thing because we thought Valentine’s Day would be lame if we didn’t.

Can you help? I’m crazy about my wife and want to show her something unique and exciting. I wish I had enough money to whisk her away to a spa by the Caribbean. I know she’d really love that.

— Ordinary Guy, Fort Rouge

Dear Ordinary: You can make this Valentine’s Day extraordinary right here. First, order a Latin American dinner to be delivered to your “hacienda” where you’ve arranged candles and music for a “spa night” with sensual massage and great lovemaking on the menu — as long as you go easy on the wine this year!

The trick to turning your place into a spa is the lighting — lots of candles or strings of warm, tiny lights. Mood-setting, delicious food and your sensual touch will make it a Valentine’s night to remember.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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