Enlist knowledge, not knuckles over pal dating sister

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/03/2023 (1243 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I came home early two nights ago, followed the suspicious noises I heard when I entered, and caught my sister with my new best buddy from my hockey team. I flicked on the bright overhead lights. They were in the old TV room in the basement, quickly adjusting their clothes. My sister was holding a pillow in front of herself.

I backed out of the room, in shock. I had no idea these two were sneaking around together!

I did think it was kind of weird that my sister suddenly wanted to come and watch my hockey games over the last few months. Obviously, it was to see him. Girls usually describe him as “hot.” My sister is, from other people’s comments, also extremely good-looking.

Bottom line? My friend and teammate will need to quit seeing my sister now, or I’ll smash his face in! I know what he’s like. He plays his “women,” as he calls them, the same way he plays hockey — to score! If he doesn’t get sex, he drops them immediately, and I’ve seen him do it. Now I’m wondering: What if my sister gets pregnant by him?

What should I do now? They aren’t even talking to me now.

— Angry Brother, Tuxedo

Dear Angry: You owe it to your sister to enlighten her about this guy, and the way he treats his “women.” Don’t expect Sis to be happy about the lesson; just hope she hears you out. Tell her how your buddy talks, how he goes from one girl to the next expecting sex, or else he’s gone.

Don’t call your sister names or try to shame her for being sexually active, as you could lose her. If you do ask her about her safety, she may say, “We’re already using birth control, and it’s none of your business!” Then say to her quietly, “That’s good. I hope it’s safer than only using condoms, because they can fail.”

If she’s too shy to see your family physician, suggest she see a doctor at Klinic (klinic.mb.ca) or the Women’s Health Clinic (womenshealthclinic.org).

You should also ask yourself why you’ve stayed close buddies with this guy. You saw his behaviour with other girls he’s dated, and now he’s trying to score with your sister. That may be his idea of a joke. In fact, he may give himself extra points for getting his friend’s sister, to add to his list of conquests.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve read in your column about people who have gone after the wrong career — and that’s the exact thing that keeps me awake at night. I studied and trained for seven years for my current medical profession. I realized this winter I really don’t want to be doing this all my working life. (I keep that a secret!)

Last night, I finally told one of my closest friends, and I started crying uncontrollably. I told her, “I wasted all that time and money, when I really wanted to be something else!”

She finally dug it out of me that I have always known in my heart I want to work in a certain artistic field. But (and it’s a big but) I’d have to study and train for it for three more years, while keeping this job I can’t stand. I need to save up a pile of money to go back to university full-time. Just the thought of that makes me so tired. I’m not young anymore. I’m in my 30s, but blessedly single, except for my dog. Tell me, am I a fool to go after my dream so late?

— Climbed the Wrong Mountain, West Kildonan

Dear Mountain: No one’s a fool when they go after what they know in their heart they really want — and they can still get it. In fact, they’re privileged — we only get one life here on planet Earth. You’re lucky you have no one to support but yourself, your dog and your dream.

So, first look for mentors who are already successfully doing the kind of work you want to do, and get their advice on different routes to take. There may be short-cuts, special kinds of financial support, and even paying work related to your artistic field, that could take you on as an apprentice. There’s nothing worse than struggling to climb to the top of a mountain and then finding out you could have taken a cable car.

Second, look for all sources of available funding. Once people can see how driven you are to fund your dream, your re-education passion project may attract unexpected help. Go after it, without embarrassment, and be grateful to helpful people. There are an amazing number of scholarships and bursaries listed online — literally thousands in North America and further afield. Check them out; it may take you a few weeks.

Also, be aware that older people who love you may enjoy helping you — a responsible adult now — attain your ultimate dream with a gift of money while they can still see it happen.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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