Get lonely neighbour active to get him off your back

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/03/2023 (1280 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m having trouble with my new neighbour. He’s alone and retired, and doesn’t have enough to do. I’m a busy younger guy, so he watches everything I’m trying to do, and makes little comments and digs.

He’s always out there in front of his little house, leaning on his snow shovel, right around the time he knows I’m going to leave for work. I park on the street, most of the time.

Lately, I’ve been feeling the need to get away from his prying eyes. So, last weekend I cleared out my garage so I could start using it for my car, and exit my place with privacy.

A few hours after I finished, he rang my doorbell to show me a big cardboard box full of my garbage, that he said he’d “saved from the landfill!” I know he wanted me to say something, but I was so annoyed he’d been snooping in my garbage cans.

“Good for you!” I snarled, and shut the door. What can I do? I know he’ll be back, because he has no one else to talk to.

— Fed Up Neighbour, St. James

Dear Fed Up: Your neighbour is bone lonely and bored stiff. Why not help him fix that? You don’t need to be his best buddy, but you could certainly help connecting him with some fun people his age.

Start by researching local specialized publications or online resources for seniors, then get copies and print out some info, ring his doorbell, wave at him and start putting them in his mailbox.

He’ll be startled to see you on his step at first, but just tell him it’s time to establish a new kind of neighbourly relationship, and you have information he might like. If he won’t let you in, invite him over for coffee at your place and show him the info there.

For activities and friend-making opportunities, check out the Manitoba Association of Senior Communities (MASC) official website at manitobaseniorcommunities.ca to get a start on all you need to know. Talk to organizers, and ask for tips on how to get your neighbour participating in their activities. They know all about this sort tricky situation.

Consider driving him on his first visit or two. It’d be a good investment for both of you!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve read different letters in your column recently from guys who had a one-off sex night with a woman that used to “belong” to a friend. I guess this is common, as I recently did the same thing.

A few weeks ago, I left the ex-wife of a guy I used to know very well in her warm bed, at about 4 a.m., and went on home, while I still could.

I’d like to blame what I did with her on my drinking, but I could have gone to her house sober. Why? I was really curious why he hung onto her for so long, after things went bad, and she was cheating on him.

Now I know, but I won’t get caught in her web, like he did. I used to feel sorry for him because everybody knew how she kept him supporting her in high style while she played around.

— Colder and Wiser, St. James

Dear Colder and Wiser: The tendency of some guys to go after their old buddy’s ex is more about wanting a turn with what they suspect might be the best “toy” in the sandbox, than it is about trying to solve the psychological problems between the friend and their wife.

If you were really wise, you would have stayed away so you could still be friends with your old buddy, and look him square in the eye.

And, about your drinking not being the impetus for going to see this woman, you’ll never know if you could have gone to her house sober, because you were not.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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