Recent widower’s fixation could be down to guilt

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/03/2023 (1227 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My beautiful new lady is a widow, and still in love with her recently-deceased husband. I know I don’t measure up, because he was obviously the perfect man, in her estimation. Should I hang in there, in the hopes she learns to stop hero-worshipping him?

— Second Best, River Heights

Dear Second Best: Part of this woman’s problem could be guilt over being attracted to you, and for dating too soon. Dial this relationship back to a warm friendship, and she may be able to stop feeling so guilty. Then she can stop overcompensating by praising her deceased husband to the moon when she’s out with you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m writing regarding the guy who snooped in his new girlfriend’s closet and found the men’s suits she wears when she cross-dresses. Maybe “Missing Her Like Crazy” should be told that snooping is a slippery slope. One, it’s a breach of trust, and that alone could end a relationship. Two, if you do it, you never know what you will find, so beware.

It’s unfair to invade someone’s privacy, but if you do, you should take the time to listen to the explanation of what was found. There is no going back now. Next time, he should ask questions if he wants more information.

— Wise Woman, West End

Dear Wise Woman: It would have been easier for “Missing Her,” to hear about the cross-dressing from his new sweetheart’s lips, before he saw her stash of men’s clothing at the back of her closet. But it was early in the romance and she probably didn’t want to rock the boat by showing him. He obviously meant something to her, because she was crying and begging him not to go. Yet, he still stomped out on her.

It’s almost impossible to get someone back if things go badly awry in the beginning weeks of the relationship. Of course, the argument can be made that she might never have willingly shown him the men’s clothing hidden in the back of her closet, so it’s best the truth came out as early on in the love game as possible.

PS: Below is another letter from a woman who needs the truth ASAP!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend and I have been going together for many months and something is off. He makes less than I do at his job, but he has a lot more money to spend these days. It’s not just 20s. I don’t know where the money is coming from. He stayed over at my place on the weekend as usual, and I noticed some big cash sticking out of his jeans on the floor. I asked him where he got those bills, and he said, “Wouldn’t you like to know, little girl!”

I said, “I’m not a little girl, and yes, I’d like to know. So, tell me.” He just laughed, got dressed and left to go home. I notice he’s quiet when I see him these days, and his eyes look really tired. I just don’t know what to think anymore.

— Tired of This, Downtown

Dear Tired: Would you want your best friend to be dating a guy like this? You can’t trust who he is or where he gets all his extra cash. Perhaps he has a side biz. You don’t know, and you really don’t want to know, should the authorities question you.

So, be your own best friend and say goodbye to him. Never mind questioning him about the cash or where he goes when he’s not with you. Bail out quickly, without trying to solve any of the mystery. It’s enough that you suspect he’s not a good, honest guy. When he asks you why you’re finished with him, tell him vaguely you’re “just not feeling it anymore.”

Once you do meet a good man, you’ll be shaking your head and wondering why you wasted time with this mysterious guy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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