Reminiscing with exes not so easy for some

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This article was published 02/11/2023 (1005 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I ran into my second ex-wife at a big concert recently, and didn’t realize it was her until she got past me. I was startled because she looked like the beautiful woman I’d fallen in love with, way back when! In fact, she was the one who broke up my first marriage!

I didn’t recognize her because she’d lost all the weight she’d gained when she was with me. I’m a big man and a great cook, and take full responsibility. I must say she looked great. I waved at her, but she didn’t wave back. I guess she’s still bitter. Big deal! I’ve since moved on to a new wife, and she’s great.

God knows that ex doesn’t need to snub me! She got enough money out of me in the divorce settlement. I just don’t understand why exes can’t leave the past behind and be pleasant. Winnipeg’s a small town and people who go out, are bound to run into each other.

— Snubbed Ex-Husband, Bridgwater

Dear Snubbed: Some people carry around the pain of a broken relationship that was never eased by counselling or even years of self-reflection. It’s still a wound deep inside for those people, and if the person happens to run into that ex-lover or spouse, the pain comes right back to express itself. (Some people have been known to throw up.) Casual small talk is simply impossible! They have no ability to be friendly or even wave hello, and it can take them days to get settled again after an encounter.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was sitting in a restaurant for a quick dinner before a meeting, totally minding my own business. Then this well-dressed man plunked himself down in the seat opposite me. He said, “Are you waiting for somebody?”

I said, “No, and I don’t know who you are, so please go!”

He said, “I know who you are,” and then he spoke my name and gave me his full name. Then I recognized him! He was a guy from my high school — now tall and handsome with a few streaks of grey in his hair. He asked if he could join me, and I said, “Sure!”

He wore no rings and we were having a great discussion about the old days. In fact, he was obviously flirting, but when I finally asked him if he wanted to join me for dinner, he got all huffy. He said, “Oh no, I couldn’t! I’m waiting for my wife. It’s her 30th birthday!”

That really irked me. I said, “Well run back to the bar then, little boy.”

I threw my money on the table, and left in a hurry. I felt upset, and felt he used me to practise his old flirting skills. How should I have handled him? He was not acting like any kind of husband, until I accidentally called his bluff.

— Feeling Used, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Feeling Used: You could have stayed in the bar until his wife arrived, and made him feel really uncomfortable — but that may have been hard on you. Some people literally shrug things off, and that’s what you need to do with this married man who thought he’d practise his flirting skills until the wife arrived. Pity the poor thing — and on her birthday, too!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I think this cyclist who wrote you (he refuses to drive a car) doesn’t appreciate his girlfriend as she drives them about. He could very well plan a cab or ride service for a date to make her feel special — and she should stop driving the two of them everywhere!

— Sharing is Caring, Winnipeg

Dear Sharing is Caring: Your idea has merit — cabs and Ubers would certainly take this couple on dates in style and comfort. Still, that leaves the woman alone at the wheel much of the time — certainly for anything else she needs to haul. This is not a flexible guy, although he might suit another cycling enthusiast. Well, for three seasons of the year anyway!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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