Make cottage connections for happier winters

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This article was published 02/01/2024 (957 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m newly-retired this Christmas, and want to start an exciting new chapter of my life. So, I sent out new year’s cards with notes, a week before Christmas, inviting certain people special to me to come out to our beautiful new four-seasons cottage — with an outdoor sauna.

Two old co-workers called immediately and said they wanted to come, and to “just name the date!” I told my wife, thinking she’d be happy too. She wasn’t. She was furious I’d sent an “open invitation” out to my old work friends, and she ordered me to call off my stupid idea. She said she wouldn’t “cook and clean and wipe up mud and snow from my friends’ boots.” So, who asked her to wipe their boots?

I’m feeling very angry — particularly because my wife is already having her sisters out for a weeklong holiday in mid-January. I’d already been informed I’d be showing them around, when they came! I said I was OK with that, but now I’m definitely not. I told my wife, and she hit the roof.

What’s the point of even having this four-season cabin if we’re not going to use it to entertain? We don’t want to sit and look at each other in the city, God knows. My wife and I love each other, but we don’t enjoy one another enough to go to the lake together to just and stare at each other the whole time. Please help!

— Four-Season Flop, Lake Winnipeg

Dear Four-Season: Some people, like your wife, are just not cut out for entertaining anybody other than their own close families. And you don’t mention wanting to cook, clean and organize fun activities for visitors.

That means you’ll have to make excuses for your first wannabe visitors, informing them the get-together is not a go anymore. That is, unless you are willing to organize visitors to help do the cooking and cleaning, setting up games and other entertainment.

No matter what you decide to do, you must still welcome your sisters-in-law on their upcoming winter visit to your cottage, as you can’t afford to punch holes in the family fabric over an issue such as this.

If you and your wife still want to try to enjoy the cabin, but not have guests come out and stay, consider befriending some of the permanent residents who live around your cabin by joining activities, supporting community drives and fundraisers, and going to other events. Consider curling! It’s a great way to meet people from a wider circle in winter, so research all nearby towns for possibilities.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: After a terrible fight, my husband told me on Christmas Eve that the best gift I could give him was a divorce. I said, “Why not?” and walked out. I went to my mom’s house and cried all night.

I came back the next day and he wasn’t home, but there was a note on the kitchen table. It said he was “in love with someone else” and he wanted his freedom. Do I have to give him his freedom just because he asked?

— Not Willing to Give It, North End

Dear Not Willing: You can fight your husband over the different aspects of the settlement, but you can’t deny him his freedom if he wants a divorce here in Canada. It’s time to find a good lawyer, to get the best deal you can.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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